Overcoming Pornography - 5 More Virtues That Will Help You Beat It

Back April 2017, I wrote about 5 virtues that will help you beat porn addiction. Everything I said came from my own personal experience battling it at different times in my life. However, there are five more virtues that I feel a need to outline which I feel are critical in walking the path to freedom from such evils.

1. Humility

One of my eye opening chapters in the Book of Mormon (and one of the hardest pills to swallow) is in King Benjamin's speech in Mosiah 2:

• "23 And now, in the first place, he hath created you, and granted unto you your lives, for which ye are indebted unto him. 24 And secondly, he doth require that ye should do as he hath commanded you; for which if ye do, he doth immediately bless you; and therefore he hath paid you. And ye are still indebted unto him, and are, and will be, forever and ever; therefore, of what have ye to boast? 25 And now I ask, can ye say aught of yourselves? I answer you, Nay. Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth; yet ye were created of the dust of the earth; but behold, it belongeth to him who created you. 26 And I, even I, whom ye call your king, am no better than ye yourselves are; for I am also of the dust. And ye behold that I am old, and am about to yield up this mortal frame to its mother earth."

This attitude is something that will serve you well if you are trying to overcome a porn addiction. The happy part of humility (as weird as that may sound to some) is that the Lord has promised us that the it is the humble seeker of happiness who qualifies the most for the divine power and grace of God. As Malachi teaches us, He is a "purifier of silver" (Malachi 3:3) and refines, as does someone like a blacksmith, the impurities or dross from us until all our impure desires and impulses are gone.

Being humble enough to remain thankful to God while suffering the feeling of ignominy in addiction recovery is one of the best ways for God to cause within us a permanent change of heart. I sometimes pray "with all the energy of heart" (Moroni 7:48) begging Heavenly Father to cause me to be forever and instinctively repulsed by things of the natural man, in all areas of life. If we be humble enough to truly understand how many of our desires are - when we are really honest with ourselves - unholy and impure, the road to healing and having a "mighty change of heart" (Mosiah 5:2; Alma 5:14) can be traveled much faster. Until that change is complete - and you'll know when it is - humbly remembering that we still have lots of work to do is a great way to combat the evil one and his relentless temptations.

2. Charity

One of the greatest reassurances of having charity is mentioned in Moroni 7:47, that for all who posses this greatest of all spiritual gifts "at the last day, it shall be well with him." One of the reasons for this is illustrated well by a recently quote I saw from one of our modern day prophets (I wish I could remember for sure which one) where he said - and I'm paraphrasing - "if we could really remember who we are as children of God, we would try a lot harder to do what's right." This ties well into charity because when we have it, we love God, our brothers and sisters throughout the world and ourselves enough to act like who we really are.

I am reminded of the story of Daniel in the Old Testament. In Daniel chapter 1 he refused to defile himself with the wine brought to him by order of King Nebuchadnezzar. This king had commanded to be brought to him "certain of the children of Israel, and of the king’s seed, and of the princes;  Children in whom was no blemish, but well favored, and skillful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science, and such as had ability in them to stand in the king’s palace, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Chaldeans."

Daniel knew of both his temporal standing as a prince and divine standing as a child of the Almighty God. He refused to do anything that would contradict his identity and thereby stain his pattern of living up to those birthrights. If we really love God, our families, our friends and remember who we really are in moments of temptation, we won't even allow ourselves to be in situation where we even might slip a little. I suggest meditation to accomplish this.

King Benjamin also gave some wise counsel to help us consistently maintain our worthiness in Mosiah 4:11-12

• "And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love, and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance, the greatness of God, and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel."

and there's the effect he promises:

• "And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true."

That's a pretty amazing promise. So learn to love and remember who you really are and use that as motivation to live up to it.

3. Courage

This is a big one and it ties in well with accountability from the previous entry about this. I know from experience that one of the scariest things in addiction recovery is forming a rigid habit of confessing - candidly, completely and immediately - when setbacks happen in your journey to permanent sobriety. I have felt horrible about the hurt I caused to many at different times in my life when addiction reared it's ugly head, so horrible that I would sometimes lose the courage to confront the problem soon enough with those most affected by it. One of the worst things you can do when fighting an addiction is procrastinating courage, the courage to confront the problem head on before the pain of the problem becomes worse than the pain of the solution.

Another part of courage I have seen be very effective in overcoming addictions like this is finding something out of your comfort zone just to break up your normal routine. Whether that means you take a different route to work or church, deliberately introduce yourself to a complete stranger and strike up a conversation with them or maybe do your morning routine in a completely different order, having the courage to go out of your comfort zone will do wonders for you. Not only will it help you practice replacing evil habits with good ones, but also just get out of your own head, re-calibrate and help shift your focus to what matters most.

4. Meekness

I believe this virtue to be the most misunderstood and, therefore, one of the most difficult to master. Neal A. Maxwell had the following to say about meekness.

• "There is, of course, much accumulated stereotyping surrounding this virtue. We even make nervous jokes about meekness, such as, “If the meek intend to inherit the earth, they are going to have to be more aggressive about it!” We even tend to think of a meek individual as being used and abused—as being a doormat for others. However, Moses was once described as being the most meek man on the face of the earth (see Num. 12:3), yet we recall his impressive boldness in the courts of Pharaoh and his scalding indignation following his descent from Sinai."

Meekness isn't just about being silent and submissive or assertive and aggressive, although there are times when those things are applied in proper balance in someone who is truly meek. It's more about becoming willing to be totally transparent, teachable and firm in the resolve to utterly expose the darkest and most well hidden parts of our emotions, motives, rationalizations, preferences, and actions for the sake of allowing the Lord to wipe us completely clean from such evil. Meekness means standing firm and unyielding in our faith in Christ and His truth with the understanding that the only way to really become like Him is to expose and allow Him to purify and clean all of our spiritual "wounds and infections", self-inflicted and otherwise. I am reminded of one of my favorite lines from the movie A Wrinkle In Time, "the wound is the place where the light enters you."

Elder Maxwell further clarified,

• "Granted, none of us likes, or should like, to be disregarded, to be silenced, to see a flawed argument prevail, or to endure a gratuitous discourtesy. But such circumstances seldom constitute that field of action from which meekness calls upon us to retire gracefully. Unfortunately, we usually do battle, unmeekly, over far less justifiable things, such as “turf.”
  
  Just what is this “turf” we insist on defending almost at the slightest provocation? If it is real estate, this will not rise with us in the resurrection. If it is concern over the opinions of us held by others, there is only One opinion of us that really matters. Besides, the opinions of others will only be lowered if we go on an ego tantrum. If “turf” is status, we should not be overly concerned with today’s organizational charts. Who cares now about the pecking order in the Sanhedrin in 31 A.D., though so many cared so much at the time? Where are those now who worried so much over losing their places in the synagogues? (See John 12:42.)
  
  Granted, there are some things worth being aroused about, as the Book of Mormon says, such as our families, our homes, our liberties, and our sacred religion. (See Alma 43:45.) But if all our anxiety amounts to is our so-called image, it’s an image that needs to be displaced anyway, so that we can receive His image in our countenances."

'Nuff said.

5. Diligence

I quote here from my most viewed entry this blog (this one). "I think of Harry Potter and his occlumency lessons when Harry asks if he can rest for a moment and Snape responds "The dark lord isn't resting!!"  The same applies here.  If you think that there is room to slip up a little when somewhere in your mind or heart the Holy Ghost is saying "are you sure that's a good idea?", get ready for a harsh wake up call when Jesus comes again."

What I have learned from experience that even one microsecond of pulling a Lehonti can be more deadly to your spiritual and even physical health than you have any idea. Even after years of freedom from addiction, the fight against it must be a continual pursuit.  The devil doesn't just know who you are, he knows who you were before you were born. He isn't going to quit trying to make you fall to old habits, even after years, just because you have been clean for so long. He's like the paranoid kid who is immovably convinced that he has to look behind his shoulder to check for the boogie man every five seconds for his entire life, always asking "how about now? how about now? how about now? Hey, look! look! look! Look at that! Look at it! Look at it now! Nowww! NOOOWWW!" He is relentless and his biggest victories are to make the very most stalwart, faithful saints fall to old habits, even in isolated events for a brief moment.

Diligence is unspeakably vital in the battle against pornography addiction. Even once is too much.

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Pornography addiction is one of the most pernicious evils to ever spread across the earth. Anyone who has not overcome it be the time they pass from this life is going to be in a world of hurt and I hope more people overcome it than who don't. As Amulek said, "that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world." Any addictions you haven't overcome by then will stick with you when you die, so take care of it now. Don't be one of those people who dies with regrets.