Saturday, June 12, 2021

Revealing Dignity

Something that has always becomes quite the important topic of discussion in the hotter months of the year is how people dress. I know I'm not anyone's judge and in this article I do not make any judgement calls as to the spiritual standing of anyone who chooses to expose more than their arms, heads and legs legs below the knee in public. However, there is a problem that seems to be a major issue no even since I moved here to Utah where, I must admit, at least a part of me hoped for higher standards of dress than I am seeing in most public places mainly from women.

My wife Collette has been just as bothered (if not moreso) than me by what we've seen in our last few trips out to get some needed shopping done so I know she echoes my sentiment.

A lot of this has to do with several things about which we felt great disgust as well as great gratitude and relief through our Saturday on June 5 here in Utah County.

For much of our travels that day we were listening to a talk by Mark E. Petersen about sexual sin and how the devil uses his carefully crafted sales pitch to make sex something to be made common and cheap instead of the beautiful, holy, sacred and special creation of God that it is.

Part of that talk is as follows:

"So what does [the devil] do? Oh, he doesn't some out with a band, a brass band, and go to work. Like every salesman, every clever salesman, especially those who are seeking to sell something that they know will glitter like gold but will by ashes in the end, he comes up gradually. Very gradually. Here a little, there a little. First of all he attacks our modesty and tries to destroy thoughts of modesty, standards of modesty in our mind. He makes you think that it's perfectly proper to expose the human body to various degrees. He sells the idea [by starting with truth] that the human body is something beautiful and in as much as it's something beautiful it's something which should be appreciated [another truth, but then] to be appreciated it is something that should be seen and after being seen it is something to clutch unto yourself. 

That's his sales talk. So he brings forth immodesty in dress. He brings forth bathing suits that are terribly immodest. Why? Because he wants to have our women expose their bodies to the public gaze. He brings forth other styles in other forms of dress, exposing the body to the public gaze. Remember the steps. The body is beautiful. it should be appreciated. To be appreciated it should be seen. And after being seen, then he gets in his great efforts. Do you see, young ladies, why we preach modesty in dress? Do you see why we try to persuade you to keep your bodies covered, to be modest, to protect that virtue, which is of greater value to you than life itself?...

A weeks ago, I was entertained at dinner in the house of a Stake President in between session of Stake Conference. It was a beautiful Sunday. We had had a beautiful Conference session that morning. We went to this home and sat down to a lovely dinner. A 17-year-old daughter helped the mother serve. If that daughter had come out into the living room, in the presence of two members of the Council of the 12, wearing nothing above her waist except a brazier, wouldn't the mother have been shocked and horrified? And yet that 17-year-old girl came out wearing that brazier and nothing over it except the sheerest kind of a waste, which hid nothing. I was embarrassed. My companion was embarrassed. There was nothing modest about the appearance of that girl. It detracted so from her appearance. She had a lovely face, but to thus expose herself? We, who were the visitors were embarrassed. The family should have been and above all the girl.

So you see, the sanctity of the body is so related to the sanctity of sex. Why make the body common? Why expose this sacred thing which is the temple of God to the public eye? I tell you, girls, when you expose your bodies, whether on the dance floor, or otherwise, you do yourselves a great injustice."

While getting some errands done on June 5th is year, Collette and I were frustrated at place after place we went. Whether it was Walmart, University Mall, downtown Provo or downtown American Fork, each place had so many women and even tweens and teens who might as well have been naked from the waist up (and some from the waist down). And if you are one of the parents who was accompanying your childing while wear clothes that were just as revealing, shame on you for setting such a bad example.

I was, therefore, so relieved to see at least one example of a bunch of women who a) valued their bodies enough and obviously felt secure about themselves enough to not display themselves as sexual objects and b) didn't use heat as an excuse to do so either.

This is a picture of those women and was taken with permission to share it on this blog and as an excellent proof that it is reasonable, possible and even desirable to dress modestly even on really hot days. They weren't even in the air-conditioned store. Lookin' good ladies. They are proof that there is no reason to dress like you're in an sex shop no matter how hot it is.


Yes, it is true that men should look away. They should control their thoughts. There is choice involved. But let me ask you this. When you see a toddler running out into a road when there's a car coming, what happens? What do you feel? The good natured human part of you is immediately and involuntarily terrified and if no one's around you'll either yell at the kid to get out of the way or you'll go pick them up yourself and save them. It's a knee-jerk reaction, the healthy kind of fear the Lord blessed us with, but which can be misused and manipulated.

The same thing applies to when you dress immodestly. The natural sexual and physical attraction of men to women and women's bodies is supposed to come to the surface quickly when more of the female body is exposed than should be. Men's minds were designed by God to have that desire to see more of and touch the body of and have sex with that woman. That's how marriage between a man and woman is supposed to work. It shouldn't be any wonder that the most sacred of all acts we can do as humans - to express sexual love in marriage and become joint creators with the almighty in bringing forth life - is something around which God has placed the most holy and spiritually heavy safeguards.

As someone who has recovered from more than 20 years of the darkest hell you can imagine in sexual addiction, I can tell you those thought patterns about wanting to see and touch the naked female body don't go away. They're not supposed to. They're supposed to be directed to our wives in the divine manner prescribed by our Father in Heaven.

When you dress the way so many are as the weather gets ever hotter, you are exploiting and unfairly manipulating that natural God-given inclination. Please stop. Those who say "my body my choice" also need to accept that while you have freedom to make your own choices, you do not have the freedom to pick the consequences to those choices. When you pick up one of the stick, you automatically pick up the other as well. You can't demand that boys and men to not oggle you when you do that. Wish they wouldn't? Yeah, me too. Please hope that they won't, but without taking any blame for it yourself? Not cool. In fact, blaming men for oggling and mentally undressing you when dress in a way that exposes or emphasizes the very parts of you you don't want them staring at is like touching fire on purpose and getting angry when it burns you. Doesn't make any sense.  Another saying, which is so true, goes "if you roll around in the mud, expect to attract pigs."

Last of all, please remember this isn't about hiding anything, it's about revealing your dignity and loving yourself enough to realize that the right men will be attracted to you, physically and socially, if you keep the sexually teasing nature of revealing attire for marriage, at home with your husband.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

Why Church?

I saw a post a while ago on facebook that had a quote from Brigham Young about what it means to be a good person. It said something to this effect: "A good man is a good man whether in or out of this church". The person who posted it added their own commentary something like "just because I've decided to take a break from church for a bit doesn't mean I don't know it's true. I wish people would get off our back about it."

They are correct that you don't need to go to church to know that Christ's church is true. However, there are a few critical elements they are missing that are pertinent to their salvation. This post goes out to anyone who still loves the Lord and is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (or wants to understand it who isn't) and isn't currently going to church. It is an expression of love and invitation, and also a reminder of how to be more happy. If you are not in either of those categories and have a friend who you'd like to share this message with, please do so kindly and tactfully.

<disclaimer>I apologize if I come across as to "in your face". I really did try to say this in as caring and loving a way as possible</disclaimer>

As for those missing elements, here we go.

1. The import of a covenant.

Everyone who follows the example of Jesus Christ and is baptized by proper priesthood authority makes a covenant with Him. This covenant includes the following:

    a. Always Remember Him
    b. Keep His Commandments
    c. Take His Name Upon Us

All three of those include attending our meetings. The sacrament administered at church is a key element and a divinely designated method of remembering Jesus Christ, His sacrifice for us and determining what we will do better to keep His commandments and thereby take His name upon us. We need that reminder in a place that is specifically designed as an ordinance room, specifically dedicated for such a time of remembrance. I know with COVID there are many families still doing this at home for health reasons, but if you are healthy enough to go, not doing so is breaking your covenants to attend your meetings and robbing yourself of additional companionship of the Holy Ghost. 

2. Knowing Vs Doing

In the Book of Mormon King Benjamin taught the value of acting on our knowledge of the truth. Knowing isn't and never will be enough to be exalted in the Celestial Kingdom. The gospel is a gospel of action, not passive belief. But belief can fade into unbelief. This happens when it is not persistently, joyfully and deliberately acted upon. This includes attending the Lord's church if we know it's true (see Mosiah 4:10). Not doing so is akin to praying to know if Jesus is the Son of God without spending our lives personally researching and learning about His life, teachings and atonement or, worse yet, refusing to emulate Him as best we can when we find out by the Spirit who He truly is.

How can we possibly claim to take His name upon us if we are not willing to follow His commandments? The Savior Himself commands attending worship meetings often in 3 Nephi 18:22, "ye shall meet together oft..." when He establishes His church among the Nephites. That command remains in force today.

This is echoed in the temple recommend interview questions where it asks "Do you strive to keep the Sabbath day holy, both at home and at church; attend your meetings...". If you are safe to attend (be honest about this one!) and are not, then you are negatively impacting your temple worthiness as well.

On the "knowing and not doing" thing, I have learned the hard way the blessings of actually following through with that and obeying "with exactness" (Alma 57:12). I suffered for more than 20 years in sexual addiction and no matter how much I studied the gospel and "tried", there really is a lot of truth to the phrase, "there is no try, there is only do or do not". I devoured The Infinite Atonement by Tad Callister cover to cover more than once and enjoyed the spiritual deliciousness of The Miracle of Forgiveness, Accomplishing the Impossible, Unstuck: How the Savior Frees us From Our Favorite Sins, When We Don't See Eye to Eye, Without Offense: The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism, Like Dragons Did They Fight and many more. However, it was all without long term results because studying simply wasn't enough to change my heart. Something drastic had to happen. It wasn't until shortly after Lorraine's death that I regained total worthiness to return to the temple. The Lord knew I needed more of her help to overcome the addiction than she could offer in her broken mortal body and He provided it, but only my accepting that offer by letting her go when God made it painfully obvious it was time did I finally break free.

Knowing is not doing. It never will be and will never carry the same eternal weight as doing and becoming, meaning becoming someone who wants righteousness, who wants to go to church and obey with exactness consistently.

3. The minimum

I LOVE this quote from President Eyring.

|As the challenges around us increase, we must commit to do more to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. Casual prayer won’t be enough. Reading a few verses of the scripture won’t be enough. Doing the minimum of what the Lord asks of us won’t be enough. Hoping that we will have the Atonement work in our lives and that we will perhaps sometimes feel the influence of the Holy Ghost won’t be enough. And one great burst of effort won’t be enough.

Only a steady, ever-increasing effort will allow the Lord to take us to higher ground.|

What is currently the minimum of what the Lord asks of His saints? Temple worthiness. So when he says "doing the minimum of what the Lord asks of us won't be enough", what does that tell you? Asking how good we have to be just to remain temple worthy completely misses the point of worship and discipleship altogether. Asking how good we can be, as I have hammered on multiple podcasts and blogs, is the question that can bring us to sufficiently high ground to remain safe from the devils tactics. He will use the argument that "knowing is enough", he will use complacency, he will use laziness, idolatry, distraction, depression and more. But you cannot afford to simply be comfortable with knowing. Faith is an action word and it leads to action, ever increasing action, as put by Pres. Eyring. If your faith doesn't drive you to ever increasing action, it's not faith anymore. It's doing what Moroni falsely accused Pahoran of doing in Alma 60:7-12.

I totally understand that often times, life circumstances make it quite difficult to want to go to church. I suffered at the hands of a bully (who happened to be the bishop's son at the time) during my teen years. I have had horrible things said about me and false rumors spread about me and my first wife Lorraine in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. At one point I was legitimately having a really rough time accidentally making a ton of social mistakes (Asperger's is rough sometimes) that ruffled a bunch of feathers in the ward in Hamilton. I came to the point where I considered no longer attending church for a time to give people a break from my weaknesses. My self-esteem was really low at that point. But I never let any of those situations and lots more like them (even on my mission) stop me from going. Why?

Because I. MADE. COVENANTS. and the Lord WILL keep His end of them if I keep mine. He always does for me and He always will for you. D&C 82:10, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say ye have no promise." No, being perfectly obedient will not always result in us getting what we want or think we need, but it will always make it possible to receive more from God. Wouldn't you rather keep that "tap water", if you will, constantly running through obedience and be patient while God works than shut off the faucet and make it much more difficult for Him to meet our spiritual and temporal needs? He literally is limited or more empowered to bless us to the degree we choose to do as He commands, including attending church. Don't limit yourself and don't limit Him by slowing down the flow of good from heaven.

Always leave that door open.