A Voice of Stability and Peace

"There is a war going on for your mind
Media mavens mount surgical strikes
From trapper keeper collages and online magazine racks
Covergirl cutouts throw up pop-up ads
Infecting victims with silicone shrapnel
Worldwide passenger pigeons deploy paratroopers
Now it's raining pornography, lovers take shelter
Post-production debutantes pursue you in NASCAR chariots
They construct ransom letters from biblical passages
And bleed mascara into the holy water supplies
There is a war going on for your mind
Industry insiders slang test tube babies to corporate crackheads
They flash logos and blast ghettos
Their embroidered neckties say "Stop snitching"
Conscious rappers and whistleblowers get stitches
Made of acupuncture needles and marionette strings
There is a war going on for your mind
Professional wrestlers and Vice Presidents want you to believe them
The desert sky is their blue screen, they superimpose explosions
They shout at you:
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MEN BEHIND THE BARBED CURTAIN
Nor the craters beneath the draped flags
Those hoods are there for your protection
And the meteors these days are the size of corpses
There is a war going on for your mind"

I can't stand rap or artists that produce a lot of profanity in their music, but the above lyrics are one song from the Flobots that I actually like, because it tries to expose the voices out there constantly clamoring for your our attention. There's another one like it by Switchfoot called Selling The News.

I start this blog this way because there is, indeed so many influences, racing for your loyalty with a drunken and reckless haste. In the end of this, I'll be offering a way to perpetually escape their influence. In today's world, corporate giants, pundits, news personalities, advertisers, social media stars, life coaches, energy workers, athletes, movie and pop stars and others like them are going to extreme and deceptive lengths to either lull or shock you into mindless submission to their messages, and often because they themselves are also "marionettes" to these individuals.

Many throughout the world, however, are beginning to recognize their true intent in slightly greater numbers than before. My recent observations have shown me that the pendulum has begun to swing, globally, back towards Christian values, honesty and integrity. Many are beginning to recognize the drastic and dismal state of the world and realize how badly we need a return to the simple, the divine and the holy, but many have either totally or nearly lost hope in the possibility of a force persuasive enough to silence the noise long enough to create the peace and stillness needed to guide human souls back to the perfect joy and peace of Christ. One evidence of this was related by David A. Bednar.

He said in April 2024:

"During a recent open house and media day for a new house of the Lord, I led a group of journalists on a tour through the sacred structure. I described the purposes of temples in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and responded to their many excellent questions.

Before entering the celestial room, I explained that this particular room in the house of the Lord symbolically represents the peace and beauty of the heavenly home to which we can return after this life. I indicated to our guests that we would not speak while in the celestial room, but I would be happy to answer any questions after we moved to the next stop on the tour.

After exiting the celestial room and as we gathered at the next location, I asked our guests if they had any observations they wanted to share. One of the journalists said with great emotion, “I have never experienced anything like that in my entire life. I did not know quiet like that existed in the world; I simply did not believe such stillness was possible.”

I was struck by both the sincerity and the starkness of this person’s statement. And the journalist’s reaction highlighted one important aspect of stillness—overcoming and tuning out the commotion of our external environment."

This recognition was a healthy one, but we still have a long way to go.

To anyone who reading this who feels depressed, stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, confused, annoyed, oppressed, scared, resigned, hopeless, distracted, useless or any other negative effect of plain and simply being too bombarded by the voices of the world, pay attention! There are voices remaining in the world that serve as a direct channel from God to carry His perfect peace, calm, confidence and joy to your heart, even if you are not sure about Him or your relationship with Him. To those who are in this category, who want more of the presence and influence of God (and even just more peace) in your life and unsure how to get it, there are plenty of people out there who understand what you are feeling. Thankfully, God has given us voices of His servants, the prophets to show us exactly how to have that.

I recently saw someone comment on a political page that claimed to be published by a Christian source, claiming we "don't need prophets" anymore. And there are a lot of voices like that who think that God's prophets aren't the answer. To them or anyone else reading this, I implore you to consider the following from Anthony D. Perkins in Feb 2022. He mentioned a few verses in the Book of Mormon that deal with this subject matter in a devotional that year at Ensign College. Quoting Helaman 13, he read, 

"25And now when ye talk, ye say: If our days had been in the days of our fathers of old, we would not have slain the prophets; we would not have stoned them, and cast them out.

26 Behold ye are worse than they; for as the Lord liveth, if a prophet come among you and declareth unto you the word of the Lord, which testifieth of your sins and iniquities, ye are angry with him, and cast him out and seek all manner of ways to destroy him; yea, you will say that he is a false prophet, and that he is a sinner, and of the devil, because he testifieth that your deeds are evil.

27 But behold, if a man shall come among you and shall say: Do this, and there is no iniquity; do that and ye shall not suffer; yea, he will say: Walk after the pride of your own hearts; yea, walk after the pride of your eyes, and do whatsoever your heart desireth—and if a man shall come among you and say this, ye will receive him, and say that he is a prophet.

28 Yea, ye will lift him up, and ye will give unto him of your substance; ye will give unto him of your gold, and of your silver, and ye will clothe him with costly apparel; and because he speaketh flattering words unto you, and he saith that all is well, then ye will not find fault with him."

He expounded on these verses saying:

"Samuel's words not only describe the Nephite days, but ours, in which the teachings of living prophets and apostles are mocked or disregarded. The mocking voices say 'the First Presidency and the 12 Apostles are too old, too distant from what is happening in the world, and the commandments they teach are too strict and outdated.' The disregarding voices even come from those who claim to be more active members of the church. They view prophetic teachings as a cafeteria or a buffet. They want to pick and choose what they think is right to follow and to disregard what they think is incorrect, both in temporal and in spiritual matters. When selective obedience is fashionable, how can your spiritual foundations stay firm? You can believe the prophets, then follow them."

I've heard a lot of people these days who, at the mere mention of the word "prophet" think that kind of stuff is all a bunch of foo-foo craziness. I would respond that the real craziness is what is happening with what the rest of the world is trying to accomplish, and miserably failing, without heeding God's prophets. As we have been taught by Ezra Taft Benson (summarized in this talk), prophets: 

“will never lead the Church astray... [are] not required to have any particular earthly training or credentials to speak on any subject or act on any matter at any time... tells us what we need to know, not always what we want to know... is not limited by men’s reasoning... can receive revelation on any matter—temporal or spiritual... and will not necessarily be popular with the world or the worldly.” 

But we need their voices more than ever now. Their voices are the real conduits of God's mind, peace, joy and stability in our lives. To begin to wrap this up, this is a portion of a BYU Speech from Hugh B. Brown, "Profile of a Prophet" from October 1955 (surprising how timely it still is):

"I suggested [to an English gentleman, a member of the House of Commons] that we proceed at once and have an examination for discovery, which is, briefly, a meeting of the opposing sides in a lawsuit where the plaintiff and defendant, with their attorneys, meet to examine each other’s claims and see if they can find some area of agreement, thus saving the time of the court later on.

I said perhaps we could see whether we had some common ground from which we could discuss my “fantastic ideas.” He agreed to that quite readily.

I can only give you, in the few minutes at my disposal, a condensed and abbreviated synopsis of the three-hour conversation that followed. In the interest of time I shall resort to the question-and-answer method, rather than narration.

I began by asking, “May I proceed, sir, on the assumption that you are a Christian?”

“I am.”

“I assume you believe in the Bible—the Old and New Testaments?”

“I do!”

“Do you believe in prayer?”

“I do!”

“You say that my belief that God spoke to a man in this age is fantastic and absurd?”

“To me it is.”

“Do you believe that God ever did speak to anyone?"

“Certainly, all through the Bible we have evidence of that.”

“Did He speak to Adam?”

“Yes."

“To Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Joseph, and on through the prophets?”

“I believe He spoke to each of them.”

“Do you believe that contact between God and man ceased when Jesus appeared on the earth?”

“No, such communication reached its climax, its apex, at that time.”

“Do you believe that Jesus was the Son of God?”

“He was.”

“Do you believe, sir, that after Jesus was resurrected, a certain lawyer—who was also a tentmaker by the name of Saul of Tarsus—when on his way to Damascus talked with Jesus of Nazareth, who had been crucified, resurrected, and had ascended into heaven?”

“I do.”

“Whose voice did Saul hear?”

“It was the voice of Jesus Christ, for He so introduced Himself.”

“Then, my Lord—that is the way we address judges in the British Commonwealth—I am submitting to you in all seriousness that it was standard procedure in Bible times for God to talk to man.”

“I think I will admit that, but it stopped shortly after the first century of the Christian era.”

“Why do you think it stopped?”

“I can’t say.”

“You think that God hasn’t spoken since then?”

“I am sure He hasn’t.”

“There must be a reason. Can you give me a reason?”

“I do not know.”

“May I suggest some possible reasons? Perhaps God does not speak to man anymore because He cannot. He has lost the power.”

He said, “Of course that would be blasphemous.”

“Well, then, if you don’t accept that, perhaps He doesn’t speak to men because He doesn’t love us anymore and He is no longer interested in the affairs of men.”

“No,” he said, “God loves all men, and He is no respecter of persons.”

“Well, then, if He could speak, and if He loves us, then the only other possible answer, as I see it, is that we don’t need Him. We have made such rapid strides in science and we are so well educated that we don’t need God anymore.”

And then he said—and his voice trembled as he thought of impending war—“Mr. Brown, there never was a time in the history of the world when the voice of God was needed as it is needed now. Perhaps you can tell me why He doesn’t speak.”

My answer was: “He does speak, He has spoken; but men need faith to hear Him.”"

My friends, if you want a voice of stability and peace in a world that is more harried and disturbed than ever before, listen to and study the voice of the prophets. <---Please click that link and begin today if your haven't already!

Is This Really Where We Are (in politics)?

One of the interesting, weird, and just plain peculiar things about social media these days is the vast volume of content that both gives people restored hope in humanity as well as creating an impression that we're doomed to destroy ourselves. My exposure to both has been roughly even through my... we'll won't tell you how old I actually am. I'll just say I'm approaching 40. Today (July 25) I saw a post that did the latter, and I'm sure something that swings the pendulum back in the positive direction will come to my attention soon.

As you can imagine with the next U.S. election looming and Biden's stepping down, the internet has become a firestorm of attention on Trump and Harris competing for the minds and hearts of America. In this post I'm not going to talk about which candidate I am more likely to vote for, but rather to address and problem that is wrong with US as Americans. *GASP* Imagine that! The idea of actually thinking that the government isn't the whole problem with this country! I imagine several dozen people reading this who make a living criticizing the government just had a mild aneurism, or maybe not. Hopefully they, and everyone else will keep on reading to find out where I'm going with this.

The problem I'm addressing is America's childish, immature, riveted and damnably shallow focus on sex.

Yup, that's what this post is about, sex.

How does this relate to us being the problem?

In the social media post I mentioned above, I didn't dare comment. If I ever do comment on political stuff in the last several years it has been sparingly and trying to be a peacemaker instead of defending any of the politicians in question. But what I noticed about the post was the 90% or more of the comments all had to do with comparing the sexual proclivities of both Trump and Harris. Very little commentary about their policies were present. I didn't see a single thing about their background with professional and personal experience in policy-making unless it was directly tied to their sexual escapades and other alleged criminal activity. Everyone on that thread made it seem like the moment the Presidential Democratic Candidate switched from Biden to Harris, someone opened the flood gates and all the sheeple in America mindlessly flocked to the circus of conversation surrounding sex, which candidate had it with whom, how many times, when, where, why, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

This isn't a call out to politicians, this is a call out to YOU, the AMERICAN PUBLIC! I don't like using language like this, but WHAT THE HELL AMERICA?! Are you really so mindless as to reduce your methods of choosing your leaders based on sexual intercourse? You know what that post made you look like? Lemmings, or worse, the swine that Jesus commanded the legion of devils to go onto when they ran off the cliff and died. This is pathetic. I can prove to anyone reading this from the mountains upon mountains of world class research I have personally read and studied that the whole world at large has a massive, parasitic, utterly careless elephant-in-the-room problem with an obsession for everything sex related, especially with pornography addiction. I would know, having recovered from 20+ years of porn addiction. Also, the sheer amount of what has become "make your own porn AI girlfriend" apps are also evidence of this. But really? Are so many of you struggling so much with not being able think of another human being in a non-sexual way that you turn to such a drunkenly blind, knee-jerk reaction of making civil political discourse about nothing but sex? Is that what we've come to as a nation, making the most important matter of who should be at the head of our government based on their sex life?

This all reminds me of a talk by Mark E. Petersen, which I'll quote a few short excerpts from here:

"Sex is so sacred, sex is so divine, sex is so holy that when it is used in its proper way, those who participate in it become joint creators with God! They become partners with the Almighty in the great undertaking and enterprise of bringing forth life! It is so sacred, it is so holy, God places it way up on a high plane, so high that all right thinking people will regard it as being sacred, a spark of the deity in everyone of us. It is holy. It is part of the function of Almighty God. Sex is so sacred, so holy, that God placed about it some of the greatest safeguards He has ever made for any of His creations, and He has surrounded it with laws which provide those safeguards, and He has made it clear to us that if we violate those laws, if we break down those safeguards, we commit one of the three greatest crimes in all the category of crime... 

[Satan] sought to destroy not only life, but the fountain of life, and he set about to prostitute this most sacred of the creations of God; and he's still at it today; and today he is inspiring a world which he has in his hands, to place the emphasis - a demoralizing emphasis - but an emphasis that glitters as if it were gold, nevertheless, upon sex. Wherever we turn these days, the emphasis seems to be on sex. It's in the movies, it's in the magazines, it's in the styles by which we cloth ourselves, it's on the radio programs, it's in the conversations. The emphasis is on sex. And what is the emphasis? The emphasis is not to enthrone sex as the sacred thing it is, but it is to drag it down into the mire and make it common. Sometimes make it glitter like gold, and make it so very desirable in the eyes of people that they will do most anything to participate in it, all through the sales talk of this arch demon..."

For those of you who are making your political jokes, memes and snippy commentary about politics a matter of sex offenses, those who make some kind of childish stupid pleasure in making that the measuring stick by which you evaluate political candidates, you are making yourself look just like them!

When I came back into the States after my late wife Lorraine passed away in 2019, something that kind of rocked me (spiritually) happened when I crossed the border on the bridge between Sarnia, Ontario and Port Huron, Michigan. It completely took me by surprise and I wasn't sure exactly what it was at first, but this story warrants being retold here. As I crossed the bridge, I felt something different in the air. It wasn't like anything I had felt before. You have to understand, I've seen way more of the beauties and horrors of life than most people see in 10 lifetimes. My time in Canada with Lorraine exposed me to some of the most unimaginable, joyful spiritual experiences of my life as well as some of the darkest, deepest pits of hell any human can imagine. Still, none of it prepared me for what I found out later was happening. I'm telling you I could feel it physically in my skin, a completely different spiritual sensation than I'd ever felt before. I knew something was changing as I crossed that bridge and I knew God was trying to tell me something, so I prayed and asked what it was. As I tried to still my soul and be receptive in my heart to anything He would tell me, the answer became very suddenly crystal clear.

That change in the air I felt was the enormously more intense fixation and focus from God on the political, moral and social climate of the United States over every other country on planet earth. Yes, I know God is "no respecter of persons." I believe that scripture. I know full well that God does not love any of His children less than another, but this wasn't about how much He loved or didn't love anyone in specific or how much He was favoring one nation over another. It was purely about how much effort and attention He was putting on the overall political, moral and social well being of America as a nation more so than on any other nation.

When I recall that, I can only think of how grossly disappointed and devastated He is to see so many people basing that demoralizing emphasis in political discourse on dragging one of the most sacred of His creations into the mud!

So, American public, hear me now! Stop this insane running around in circles. Stop this brainless, foolish, weak-minded, brutish obsession with sex! If you've seen the movie Soul, you'll know what I mean when I say you look like this!

I'm not exaggerating folks! This includes all types of sexual humor, insults, sexism, name-calling and all other types of unkind and unnecessary expressions for the sake of selfish gratification. PLEASE do not be so mindless and inhuman that you are that desperate to focus on sex, especially with something that is important as an election.

If I really wanted to I could make another 3 or 4 articles on this blog just about how pornography and sex addiction turns the brain into something like that Lost Soul above. Because that's exactly what Satan and all other evil forces of this world want to turn you into, and with many of you, he is succeeding! STOP LETTING HIM! Be the better person! Make sex about what God intended it to be about, the creation, love and nurture of human life and strengthening bonds between a married man and woman, husband and wife. 

Why Integrity Matters

In our church we switch every other Sunday doing a combined Sunday School and then every in between week doing the men's and women's classes. Today in the men's class we talked a lot about integrity and based our conversation on this talk from our semi-annual General Conference.

There was a lot of good commentary between the instructor and us class members; enough so that I thought it appropriate to reflect on them here and explain why I believe integrity is so crucial to a happy life and why society needs more of it.

I'll separate it into to categories/lists.

What integrity isn't.

1. Looking for the easy way out. I once had a math teacher in High School, Rock Ramsey, who was an interesting character. He was a very down to earth, agrarian cowboy, full-on western kind of guy, straight from Wyoming, so to experience how incredibly good he was at teaching math was sort of a fun experience. One of the things he said that hit me hardest when I was in his classes was [paraphrasing] "you should always do what's right, just because you want to sleep at night." He was the kind of guy who would tell people something like, "So you did the right thing... so what? You think that's a big deal? What do you want, a cookie? Can't doing the right thing just be good enough on it's own?" I really wish I would have offered him a visit from our church missionaries because I believe he would have really got along well with them.

The point is that doing the right thing, especially when it's inconvenient and no one else is looking, is the whole baseline of integrity. This will relate to my very last point in my "what integrity IS" list later on. Anyone who is always looking to sneak their way out of a service project because "those other guys will do it" is so incredibly lazy and childish! This specific element of integrity has even been a weakness of mine that I have been fighting to overcome the last few years and progress has been slow but I'm sick of feeling the like the guy who avoids service projects at church and in other areas simply because there are other things I'd "rather" be doing, but don't "have" to do. I have been praying for God to totally uproot the part of my heart that sometimes feels like "I can't wait to just be done with this and get out of here." Jesus never EVER did that! He actually looked for reasons to serve, even when He was tired, it was late or it was a personal inconvenience to Him.

2. Believing that if something is legal, it is therefore morally acceptable (and vice versa). I love what President Nelson said about this: "...civil governments are heavily influenced by social trends and secular philosophies as they write, rewrite, and enforce laws. Regardless of what civil legislation may be enacted, the doctrine of the Lord regarding marriage and morality cannot be changed. Remember: sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God!" I have seen so many wonderful examples of people acting out against unjust laws that fly in the face of scripture. A crowd singing the national anthem at a baseball game after the "officials" said no; People praying outside of a Planned Parenthood for the murdered babies despite the prevailing falsehood that such a holocaust is societally "acceptable"; The Texas state government keeping harmful people out of the state and rebuilding the fence that the feds took down to keep their people safe; A petition opposing the proposed destruction of a beautiful music hall (Abravanel Hall) that has been beloved for decades in Salt Lake City for the sake of desecrating that space with a new sports arena; and much more. People who peacefully but deliberately and conspicuously stand against corrupt policies or laws are my kind of people.

Why? There are three kinds of laws in existence we are aware of. God's laws, laws of nature and mankind's laws. Of these three, God's are the only ones that are completely unbreakable. They will all be fulfilled and satisfied in the end, no matter what. Natures laws are laws that God can (and has) circumvented, which He can because He created those laws. Still they are more difficult to manipulate and bend relatively speaking. Mankind's laws are and always have been the weakest because they can be changed on a whim. All it would take for a law to be passed declaring the idea of a round earth to be false and to ban it from being taught in schools is enough people who are simply offended enough at the idea to make it pass into law. Mankind's laws are weak, can change based purely on emotion and societal preference and are, as evidence by the sheer number of criminals in the world today, more easily broken than any other kind of law in existence.

The legal status of a principle, action or belief has absolutely ZERO objective bearing of it's moral value.

3. Having integrity always deserves praise. Just hear me out on this one. This one goes back to what my High School math teacher said. On a humorous side of this, I once saw a meme that said something like "if you really have so much perceived need for attention for your posts that you demand I like and share it or else I'm 'not going to heaven'... if you really need that much attention, may I suggest a puppy." Yes, I understand that being validated is a basic human need and that's how relationships thrive; consistent, mutual validation between man and wife. However, that should not be something you must have in order to even do some good and exercise integrity. If all you're ever thinking is "what do I get out of this?" you have no integrity.

What integrity is.

1. Doing what we say we will do when we say we will do it. For me, this one is HUGE. One of the things that bothered Lorraine and I the most when I lived up in Canada from 2009-2019 was when people would tell us they'd be at our place for something (a birthday party, service, or just a friendly chat) at a certain time and then not show up until 15, 30 minutes or even an hour later. It was so exasperating to often have the same people be negligent over and over again and over time we just stopped inviting certain people over to our house because we knew they couldn't be relied on keep their word. If you actually want to show someone that you care, keep your word to them! I do get that sometimes unexpected things happen. A kid throws up or gets hurt and has to be taken to the ER, you see a stranger or an old woman struggling to cross the road or something and want to stop and help them, which is also integrity, being kind to people when it's inconvenient. 

But, when a) whatever you originally said you would do and b) the person you originally told you would visit/help/whatever are put on the back burner for someone you did not personally promise to help, that is NOT integrity. You have to remember that you can't help or please everyone. You can't fix every problem with every person you see in need. Everyone knows there are simply too many problems in the world for any one person to be able to stop and help every single person that is struggling when you see it. You have to be able to properly prioritize. What matters most is what you say you will do (unless, of course, you have said you will do something bad, in which case, please don't do it). If you say you will show up at work, a friend's house or a meeting with a client at 9 am, be there AT 9 AM! It's not going to kill you to wake up a few minutes earlier than normal and check the weather the night before to adjust travel plans to make sure you keep your promise. And you truly can't do something for someone, just politely tell them you can't, plain and simple. 

Don't make a promise you can't keep. That's one thing Lorraine and I were perfectly consistent about. Her health was always completely unpredictable and whenever there was a time where her health prevented us from being somewhere we committed to, we always called or texted the moment we knew we wouldn't be there on time (or at all). If your health prevents you from doing something, fine, don't make the promise in the first place and if something unexpected comes up that actually needs your immediate attention more than the person who you promise your time, call or text them the moment you know you won't be able to make it! Anything else is inconsiderate, rude and completely lacks integrity. I'm sorry if this idea bothers you if you're the kind of person who just prefers to fly by the seat of their pants and you are used to that lifestyle, but the objective truth is that it's still rude because it goes against your word!

2. Putting what matters most ahead of our own perceived wants and needs. I have had several times since starting school here at SUU where I would have loved to just stay home and write or play music instead of serving others (which weakness I mentioned before and I am working on it). But in my efforts to overcome my bad habit of leaving the "inconvenient" work to others, in several cases recently I chose to go and help anyways. As a pianist I know that effective practice makes perfect. This is different from just "practice makes perfect", which is another blog entry all in itself. I do my best whenever I get the chance to deliberately choose to go above and beyond to form more connections my brain that solidify the "I want to serve even when it's merely inconvenient" attitude. This whole "self-care" craze that is all over the place in society is complete nonsense. Just look at Matt 6:28-33. Nothing in those words of Jesus indicates that selfishness is good. Take care of yourself, yes, but putting your own needs above someone else for the sake of convenience is very anti-Christian.

I have also learned in my marriage with Collette (even moreso than I did with Lorraine) that the best way to have your own needs met is to meet the needs of others first. We don't really even need to ask very much for what we want and need from each other anymore because we have come to a point where we consistently want to serve each other without the other asking just because it feels good. We have developed over the last 4 years (our 4th anniversary was on 5/22/2024) a pattern of just doing a lot of good for each other so any sense of "it's your turn to meet my needs" is non-existent. It's simply a pattern of putting God first, each other second and ourselves last and it works.

3. Asking how good we can be rather than how good we have to be. Anyone who has watched many of my Facebook Sunday videos or read many of the other blogs on here knows how often I repeat this "mantra" but it's worth repeating over and over and over again. This goes back to what I said earlier about finding the easy way out. Looking for the most convenient way to do something and exerting the most minimal effort possible to meet someone else's needs isn't integrity. For the next part to make sense, watch this short video about Kathy. I can't even begin to count the number of times nights that were like this, but for much longer than 20 minutes. It was sometimes a few hours of helping Lorraine get ready for bed each night and it was always at 12:30/1 am because her body just would not sleep at any other time; for ten years. We were each lucky to get 4-5 hours of sleep a night the whole time we were married. 

But what I learned from service like that is that, reciprocated or not, it will make you a better person. I would sometimes have visiting nurses who would hear small snippets of our story say things to me like "you're going to get caregiver burnout, you need to take care of yourself." My only response was, "and how do you suggest I do that?" I couldn't do anything about it. With Lorraine's health care I couldn't even be gone for more than an hour or two at a time at the very most without something going really wrong with her pain management, her PTSD, her stress level or something else going really wrong. Her doctor had even done an in depth analysis of what our daily life at home was like and wrote an official note to Ontario Disability Support Program stating that they should not be encouraging me, even as very able bodied as I was, to get a job. I had to help out so much because Lorraine's very life depended on me being there pretty much 24/7. I did actually try to get a job at one point doing lawn aeration. It only lasted one day because after the 12 hours of working and bringing home a big fat $200+, her pain level was so bad by the end of the night that the money meant absolutely nothing. It did nothing to help her stress level, the excruciating pain she was in by the end of the day or anything else.

Despite all my hard work that day, my lack of presence at home meeting her immediate physical needs did far more damage than any financial burden we bore. I learned very effectively that day that what her doctor would say several years later was correct. She needed to come first after God no matter what.

__________________________

My friends. Integrity is everything. Christ was the perfect example of this. He not only did exactly what He said He would do exactly as He said He would and exactly when He said He would, He did it without a grudge, in complete submission to His (and our) Father. Isaiah even prophesied that "when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed" (Isaiah 53:10). When He was suffering in Gethsemane, bleeding from every pore and suffering again on the cross, WE were what was on His mind. He saw us! We were and still are His complete focus. His perfect integrity is the kind we should be emulating. 

Lessons from Small Towns and Big Cities

Why #faith in Jesus Christ and #church matter. A lesson learned from Abinadi today, who happens to be my FAVORITE prophet in this year’s Come Follow Me curriculum.

Collette and I just sat on our front porch at our apartment today after church when we got home and talked for a bit. In our congregation at church we have noticed there are a few things that are really good and a few things that worry us. The things that are wonderful and soul building are things typical of a small town where we live for now. However, the things that are concerning are also, from my experience, typical of a small town.

We keep going because we value truth and love more than comfort.

I’ll explain. I’ve been in a lot of small towns in my life and a lot of middle size and big cities as well. I grew up in tiny Delta, Colorado, lived in Grand Junction for a while, resided in Collingwood (tiny), Sudbury (smallish), London (big), Brampton (big), Temiskaming (super tiny), Hamilton (big), Parry Sound (super tiny) and Waterloo (midsize) Ontario, Canada, and Orem, Provo and Cedar City, Utah. What I’ve noticed about each is that there is a pronounced and glaring difference in church membership in the small communities; and it’s been the same every single time. 

The difference is that in the big cities, there has been a higher concentration of folks in the general population who care about how they feel more than anyone else’s wellbeing. Naturally, this contributes to higher crime rates, more overall toleration of evil and higher antagonism towards members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who follow prophetic counsel by living the gospel conspicuously. The GOOD part of this for the overall spiritual health of the members of the church in these areas is that, in my experience, most of these people are always aware of just how wicked these places are where they have lived for so long. This positively affects their zeal for living the truth and makes it more obvious to many of them just how far away our society is today from Christ and the absolute truth He taught and lived. I actually wrote a song about this recently that’ll be released soon. These members of the church understand just how grotesque, debauched, selfish, lazy, arrogant, whiny and carelessly sinful their cities of residence have become. 

They have allowed their awareness of this to change their hearts to WANT to be as centered on Christ, the truth and His prophets as possible. They know what real life looks like in our fallen world better than most, but most of them don’t allow the depressing nature of the world drag them down, they use it as motivation to become the light of Christ that others in the city look to when things get REALLY bad. They become a pillar of joy and truth, unapologetically, to the public, even and especially when it opens them up to persecution.

-Like them, we go to church because we value truth and love more than comfort.-

… rewind

When I left my home town of Delta, Colorado, I quickly realized a few things, especially when I went to serve my mission. 1. Like most of the small towns I lived in in Canada, Delta has the same down to earth, honest to goodness kindness. 2. I wonder if my parents moved there to keep me away from all the bad things that are easier to get involved with in the big cities, and I’m thankful they did, 3. The only down side to this is that those who DO stay in small towns long term unknowingly suffer from a certain kind of small town ignorance. It’s an ignorance of what it feels like to experience worst kinds of personal trial and struggle, especially at the hands of other people. I know it might seem weird for me to say that but stay tuned.

I obviously haven’t lived in nearly enough small towns to know if it’s the same on a global or even national scale. But from my limited experience, small town people who have lived there for a long time tend to get really scared of anything that challenges their small town paradigm. I know I certainly would have responded in arrogance and criticism if someone had told 18 year old me that I didn’t know what real suffering for the sake of truth feels like. But had anyone told me that, in retrospect, they would have been 100% correct. 

After ten years of Lorraine and I suffering more kinds of trauma than most people ever go through in ten lifetimes (before she passed away), one of the things I was most nervous about moving back to the States was a lack of opposition. This may sound strange to some, but if anyone reads this who knows anything about our journey together up there, you’ll know a little of what I’m talking about. The reason I was a little scared might seem backwards to some. The whole time up there was a massive struggle to fight against the constant, intense opposition and trauma we suffered at the hands of the negligent and intensely selfish and wicked general population in Hamilton, Ontario; and by “constant”, I mean daily and often even hourly… for 10 years. BECAUSE of the opposition, as we partnered with Christ and lived by prophetic counsel the best we could, the person I was able to become was something I NEVER wanted to lose. 

Thanks to the weight of the burdens we were under, I was able to develop enough spiritual traction to experience massive amounts of personal growth and wisdom God never would have been able to instill in me in such a relatively short period of time had we not pressed forward in faith under such extreme circumstances.  I was so scared to lose that! If you want, inbox me and I can tell you about a very intense, strange, and revealing spiritual experience I had crossing the border back into the United States from Canada in 2019. Anyways, you can read more about this idea in David A Bednar’s April 2014 talk, “Bear Up Their Burdens With Ease.”

Now I live in a small town again after spending the first three years of my marriage with Collette in a big-ish city. And yes, to me, Provo, Orem, AF, PG and Lehi all together are one big city. The same thing I’ve noticed in every other small town is true here. Within a few weeks after we moved in, we had already (kindly) asked our neighbors in our building several times to stop smoking so close to the building since Collette is asthmatic as well as sensitive to smells and I’m just really sensitive to the smell. Especially since it’s illegal where we are. One of them got really angry and told us we moved to the wrong town. Remember what I alluded to earlier about people being stuck in their ways? This pattern has continued with other neighbors, no matter how kind we try to be. The small town paradigm here is no different than any other small town I’ve ever been in.

Kindness is prevalent generally, but only when their perception of truth and trial isn’t challenged. Even at church, several instances of plainly false principles have been taught from the pulpit in our congregation and I have felt several staring eyes at me when I have spoken up for the truth in Sunday School or in testimony meeting. Defending the truth has gotten me in trouble socially. Whatever. Good thing I stopped caring years ago about what others think of me (different from caring how they feel). I’m happy to explain more about this if you want to ask. Collette says that’s one of the reasons she loves me. One of the reasons Collette and I get along so well is because we both have family members that care more about personal comfort than truth and we are able to help each other find ways to love them without diluting our discipleship.

Still, we go to church because we value truth and love more than comfort.

***Please don’t get me wrong here. I AM NOT saying that I have some kind of personal grievance against small towns. I do not believe they are somehow inherently worse than big cities. Remember I did say that the big cities I have been in are far more wicked and small towns seem to have generally kinder people. Small towns are where most of the people are who have a problem with big government and Satan’s secret combinations at the highest levels of leadership in our country. Good on them! Many of them just don’t seem to be able to adapt very well to truth when it contradicts their own life paradigm. That’s something God used about big cities to teach me how to adapt in obedience when God challenges my world view. 

I remember one small town I was told about here in Utah, where one of my SLCC professors used to live, where a member of their family was trying to get help for feeling like they were the other gender. Because such an idea was scary to their Bishop and Stake President, it was swept under the rug, and they were told to be silent about it and not tell anyone else and that they were not going to get help for it and to just forget about it. Even after multiple pleas for help, all the Stake President did was tell them that they would all face church disciplinary action and church courts if they ever mentioned it to him again or told the public their story, despite the severe mental health issues the situation was causing. This was the same Stake President who bribed his son to go on a mission by offering to buy him a car. 🤦‍♂️… small town paradigm, I could swear. Good thing those leaders will be held accountable to God for that and Christ will balance all things in the end. Although I will say Collette said she’s been in one small town that was the complete opposite, wonderfully so. 🤷‍♂️ so obviously all of them aren’t like that, I’ve just never personally been in one that’s not. Again, I understand that my own experience is only my own.

The bottom line here is that, like Abinadi, we aren’t out to look good, be popular, liked or anything else. What we care about is the truth! As Christ taught, only the truth can set you free! Sometimes the truth will make you look awkward to the rest of the world, but to me that’s a badge of honor. Like Abinadi, you may only touch one person’s heart with what you say. Heck, you may think you’re doing absolutely no good, but I will tell you, like Abinadi, you don’t know what good the seed you plant will do in someone’s heart who didn’t have the faith to defend you in the truth in the moment. Later on they will remember you and what you did.

That is why we we go stay faithful to God’s prophets. Like Abinadi, we value truth and love more than comfort. In the end, when you combine truth and love in perfect balance, you’re GOING to ruffle some feathers. People are going to tell you your love is actually “hate” or “bigotry”. Don’t fall for it. Whether it’s those who are deceived about the gay lifestyle, so-called “transgender” matters, religion in general, the validity of prophetic counsel, tithing funds, the word of wisdom, sexual purity and modesty, media choices, idol worship (this is a big one), dishonesty or any other number of lies the devil peddles, don’t you fall for it! That is just their personal sins itching in their mind and their own history, unknown to you, is like a slave master, whipping them into numb obedience to the carnal nature of the flesh every time the truth is presented to them. It’s a far cry different from the free, deliberate, intentional, ultra aware, clear visioned obedience of adherence to Christ.

That kind of obedience is far more joyful.

Being Christian, or Muslim, or Hindu.... or anything.

This is another one addressing something I have seen several times over the last few years that is based on a misunderstanding of truth as a whole.

There have been several times I have seen posts saying that Jesus wasn't a Christian, Abraham wasn't a Jew, Muslim or Christian, Moses wasn't a Jew, Krishna wasn't Hindu, Enoch wasn't any of those and so forth. Let's take a step back and look at what it means to be a these things.

From my own limited observations, most of the world sees each belief system as something that started at some point in time by someone who lived on this earth after humans had already been living here. In the case of Jesus, many believe that Christianity really started with the mortal ministry of Christ. I remember one person telling me when I was serving my mission in Canada that they believed Jesus came to completely break down all religious traditions. This person thought that it truly didn't matter which church you belonged to as long as it was some sort of church that taught the divinity of Jesus Christ as the Son of God and the Savior and Redeemer of mankind. I know of another person who goes the complete opposite direction, refusing to step foot in any religious building but the Catholic church and has expressed the thought that anyone who isn't white and Catholic is going to hell. Yes, I know. Pretty horrible. It's pretty stunning to me, too, that anyone still thinks that way. I know of others who believe that as long as you just try to be a good person, that God will have mercy on you and you'll live in happiness with Him forever.

Something most people seem to be missing in the world today is that there is an absolute truth. I was listening to a podcast recently called The Ancient Tradition. In the first episode towards the end the host said that many seem to feel like we are living in a “post-truth” world and promptly responds to this sentiment with a very firm “I reject that.” Good for her! I haven't listened to more of her podcast yet, but I certainly intent to. Either way, something that most people in this world fail to understand is that truth is not something that was invented by man or was decided on by any one person or counsel of people. It was always been truth, even back into the eternities before this world was created and will continue to exist as the truth into the eternities endlessly from this point onward. As Tad Callister said in his book The Infinite Atonement, “There are certain laws of the universe that are immutable, that are without beginning of days or end of years... they are eternal, co-existent realities with the intelligences of the universe. These laws are immutable in that they cannot be altered or modified in any form. They unchangeable from eternity to eternity.”

In this quote Callister is referring to the eternal balance of justice and mercy and explains that the reason God is God is because He has mastered these laws. He lives by unchanging truth. He does not work around it or seek to violate these laws in any way, because He knows if He does all of the matter in His creation will no longer honor Him. He simply knows how to live and operate within the bounds of these eternal truths and does so for our well being. He taught this truth to all of us before we were born when we lived as spirits without the same physical bodies we have now and gave us the option to continue to live by these truths and thus become like Him and enjoy the perfect life He has or not. Up to that point we had enjoyed likely eons of time in the His presence, having immediate access to all truth and not knowing any other kind of reality of way of living. He knew that the only way to really understand why the truth matters is to live it because we choose to, not just because it's the only option available. We had to live in an environment for a time where we would be confronted with ALL options and learn to choose truth while being presented with everything that's not true as well. He knew that a sterile existence of living truth only because there is no other option would never cause the internal changes in us necessary to make us like Him and enjoy the life He enjoys. As the story of one farmer goes, the farmer said to his son, “everything I have I can willingly give you, but everything I am you must become yourself.” Thankfully, we have Jesus to help with that, which I will explain later.

God also knew that, in order to have us truly decide for ourselves, we would need to start from ground zero on the mortal plane. We would need to start with no memory of who we were, where we came from or why we are here, but, to stay within the balance of those laws of justice and mercy, He chose One, Jehovah, before any of us came to earth, to be our reminder of what the truth is. Jesus Christ, as He is known on this earth, would send other messengers and delegate the spreading of the truths we learned before this life, piece by piece, so it wouldn't overwhelm us all at once in our weakened mortal condition. These messengers are called prophets and today's prophet is Russell M Nelson (2024). Jesus sent them throughout the whole history of the world from ancient biblical times at the beginning of the world until today – excluding a period of about 1,400 years that was prophesied of in Isaiah 24, Amos 8, Matt 24 and 2 Timothy 4.

Now, what does this have to do with any of the aforementioned leaders?

Jesus has many names in the scriptures. One of them is Truth. I'm going to briefly quote Jack Christianson's speech “The Mortal Christ” here to explain this. “What is one of Jesus' names? The Truth. So whenever we talk about learning about the truth, part of what we're talking about learning about is about who? Christ... When Jesus stands before Pilate... Pilate asks Him, 'What is truth? and Jesus won't respond, and then Pilate screams out 'don't you know I could have you crucified?' and then Jesus decides to say something and He says this: No you couldn't. In fact He says 'you would have no power over me except it be given to you from above' and I can almost hear Him whispering under His breath, which it isn't recorded in any of the four gospels, 'You don't really understand, do you Pilate? You really think you could have me crucified?' Gerald Lund writes, 'All Jesus had to do was blink and the entire city of Jerusalem would have been annihilated'... I can just see the Savior just going 'oh, my boy, you silly child, you really think you could do that to me?'... he wants to know what is truth. Jesus won't answer him. Why? Because He had an audience that didn't care about what the truth was; and then, in Doctrine and Covenants section 93... 'truth is a knowledge of things as they are, as a they were and as they are to come.' Now, that's what truth is. It's a knowledge of the plan... Now I've gotta ask the second question that I've gotta ask. Who is the truth? It's Christ. So when one comes to a knowledge of the truth, they come to a knowledge of the Son of God and His plan of happiness.”

When Christ accepted the role of our Savior and Redeemer under God's plan, from that moment onward He had extended His perfect oneness with the Father (in every way except physical identity) into the eternities. He agreed to:

1. Be the perfect example of the truth by living it flawlessly and thus showing us how to do the same

2. Suffer the consequences of our failure to live the truth (sin) and, in doing so, pay an eternal debt to the law of justice that He didn't owe, our spiritual debt. According to the eternal laws of justice that God has to follow, even one tiny imperfect choice or act of disobedience to His commands (as a perfect being, our God), we would permanently, eternally stop us from ever returning to the presence of someone so eternally flawless as Him, so

3. Christ became our “creditor” with the laws of justice instead, our Mediator with the Father. He suffered for every ounce of departure from the truth we would commit or experience in mortality and intentionally imbalance (different from violate) the eternal scales of justice and mercy so He could have leverage to literally “purchase” us with His blood and suffering if we agreed to His terms instead.

So, overall, Jesus and the Father have been the arbiters of truth from the beginning. Real Christianity, a belief in objective, eternal, unchanging truth, or Truth, Christ Himself, began before this world was ever inhabited with people. He Himself was the very definition the belief system that we call Christianity today. You can also simply call Christianity in it's primal form the pure quintessence of all truth because Christ Himself is the embodiment of truth alongside His (and our) Father in Heaven.

To say that Christ wasn't Christian is also to say that Christ isn't based in truth, which is a completely satanic, evil, utterly false idea. Christianity as it is taught from Christ and His prophets and apostles is absolute truth. It is all of the truth we gained from the Father in our pre-mortal life. Christ IS Christianity, His very life, teachings, atoning sacrifice for us and position as our Mediator and Redeemer.

In regards to the others, I'll address each one briefly individually.

Moses and Abraham were indeed not Jewish. They were Christian. Judaism didn't become a religion until the Old Testament Israelite nation had strayed from the original intent of the Law of Moses (read these brief references here, here, and here) which was to point to the great eternal sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The reason Christ was constantly telling people in the New Testament to stop being like the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes was because those groups had become so pedantic about the law of Moses that they twisted it and perverted it to become something entirely different from it's original intended purpose. They had morphed the Law of Moses into something many of them believed would, of itself, be their salvation and adopted the false belief that their prophesied Messiah would come as a military leader to physically free them from Roman captivity. Boy did they have it wrong. Moses was trying to help the ancient Israelites understand the purpose of the Law of Moses in helping them come unto Christ as their Messiah in anticipation of His life, mission and atonement for their sins. Judaism is a tainted and, in our day, drastically strayed version of what Christ tried to teach them in His mortal ministry. Abraham was the father of the 12 tribes of Israel and taught all of his sons about the Truth, Christ Himself, and about what would be His future mission as their Messiah and Savior. Moses was called to do the same thing during his time.

Enoch was also absolutely a Christian. The reason he was able to build the city that rose to Heaven is because his people were willing to be successfully guided by him to live the eternal truths that Christ taught Him. They did it so well they became too holy for this earth and, in mercy, God moved them and their entire city off of the earth into His presence.

Krishna, Lao Tzu and Mohammed, as great leaders as they were, a) never claimed to be gods or prophets, b) never paid the eternal debt for anyone's sins c) do not have and never claimed to have authority to be arbiters of eternal truth. Same with Martin Luther. He never claimed to be a prophet or intended to start a sect of Christianity. As Neal A Maxwell once said, if in the end you have not chosen Christ, it will not matter what you have chosen. Meaning that no other life philosophy from anyone else, from Krishna, Lao Tzu, Mohammed and Buddha to the Pope, Confucius or any other philosopher or individual is 100% based in truth, and therefore cannot align you with the eternal truths that have existed from eternity to eternity.

Christ is the source, alongside God the Father, of all truth. It has been so since before the world was. That is why is a misrepresentation of truth to claim that He wasn't Christian. He IS Christianity, the very embodiment of Truth; you might as well call those two words synonymous because they are, and what God has given us so far of that truth can be found it it's entirety in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Relationships and Marriage

If you want a good relationship and marriage or even just have enough mental stamina to read through a long post for the sake of some good suggestions for your marriage (current or future)... This post is a follow up on the one I did a while ago about #divorce. This time it’s about relationships as a whole, addressing the idea of people celebrating being #single over being in a relationship. I have seen quite a bit of commentary in so many posts and comments on reels and such with a toxic attitude of “stay single! [The other gender] isn’t worth it!” and I feel like this world really needs what I am about to say below. For those who have struggled with the #dating and marriage realm, please don’t write me off right away. Please give what I’m saying here a chance. You might find yourself surprised at how much it may resonate with you. A quick disclaimer before I begin (once again). I am not a therapist and won’t pretend to be (that’s my brother 😉 ) but what I can say here comes from going through and overcoming a massive amount of relationship #trauma as well as finding a #blissful marriage that most people today can only dream about. No, I’m not bragging or saying that that somehow makes me better than anyone else, but rather to illustrate why it’s never okay to give up on having a happy marriage and #family. I even wrote an entire… I think 4 1/2 minute song about that very subject matter called Happy Family (find it on my Spotify under W Paul Pulsipher)

Here we go. When I was going through #CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) in Canada as a part of my own #addictionrecovery, one of the things my therapist talked about was blanket statements. We see them used in much more than just the dating world, they are used in politics, religion, schools, workplaces, and even just everyday conversations with friends when we carelessly group people together under one umbrella and spew out these all-or-none statements. Ideas like:

“all men watch porn”, “all women are bad drivers”, “all democrats are brainwashed”, “all republicans are misogynistic”, “not one cop out there cares about anything but filling his quota”, “no such thing as an honest car salesman/mechanic anymore”

These are all prejudiced #lies. They are blanket statements that assume that EVERY LAST one of those people are that way. I’m not talking about intent here. I’m talking about the actual words you speak. Ever studied The Four Agreements? Be Impeccable With Your Word is one of them. If you don’t mean it exactly as you say it, DON’T SAY IT! I know some people will say, “it's just an expression.” Guess what, it's also a lie and who do the scriptures say is the father of lies? Yup! Satan himself. It it's not true, keep life simple and don't say it! And yes, that includes #sarcasm. Did you know the origin of the word sarcasm? It's roots are German, sarkazein, meaning to tear flesh. (Don't believe me? Look it up.) The entire purpose of sarcasm is to injure; the antithesis of love. Besides, there is absolutely zero evidence to support any of those statements above. If anyone who reads this truly believes any of them, it means you have fallen prey to the prophesy in D&C 45:26 “…[mankind’s] hearts shall fail them, and they shall say that Christ delayeth his coming until the end of the earth. And the love of men shall wax cold, and iniquity shall abound.” Blanket statements are not only untrue, they drive you away from the love of God.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World says “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

Many of those who see this will disregard or disagree with this document and Collette even has a relative who claimed President Hinckley was a fallen prophet when he read that document for the first time. I grew up in a little town that was sadly and heavily steeped in the idea that women were men’s “better half”. These are very #toxic anti-Christ ideas. Ideas like these is how Satan has been able to manipulate men and women into believing that they will never be good enough as they are so if they can just be the other gender, they’ll feel better about themselves. Lie #1. That or he’ll convince people that there’s no hope of finding a healthy relationship with the opposite sex so the “might as well find one with the same sex”. Lie #2. He lies them into the spiritual bondage of same sex relationships. No I’m not saying that’s the case with every gay or lesbian out there. I'm sure people are sometimes gay or lesbian for reason's even legitimate experts don't understand (real experts, not “gender studies” majors), but the lies I mentioned there are certainly some of the tools the devil uses to deceive.

My friends (and even those who aren’t my friends), don’t fall for this lie. The Proclamation I mentioned above clearly teaches that “Marriage between man and woman is essential to [God’s] eternal plan”, which means that if you have given up on the possibility of a happy relationship and marriage with the opposite sex (and yes, there are only two), then you’ve fallen for the lie that you’re beyond the promises that await the souls of the obedient. God made it VERY clear in D&C 82:10 that when we remain fully obedient to His commandments He HAS to bless us. This extends to all blessings associated with all commandments, including the blessing of a happy marriage in His time to a man (if you’re a woman) or woman (if you’re a man) that can last all through the eternities.

***Now, I figured instead of just telling you not to give up on a blissful, joyful, romantic relationship with the opposite sex, I can at least tell you from first hand experience what has and hasn’t worked for me in this area. For context, I have been in an extremely complicated, abusive marriage (where not even several experienced therapists and ecclesiastical leaders could figure out how to help us). I am now in a marriage there is lasting, persistent #joy and there’s never been one morning where we wake up or one night where we lie next to each other thinking “I really don’t like him/her right now.” In my current marriage, Collette and I haven’t had a single fight in 4 years or marriage.

And I'll tell you how we do it.

1. Not sweating the small stuff. Hear me out. I think it was my grandpa, when he performed my marriage to Collette in the Payson Temple, who said “when you go into a marriage, go in with eyes wide open and then when you get there, close them a little.” The obvious purpose behind this statement was to make sure we knew everything about each other that was possible to know without living and sleeping together, including each other's biggest strengths and weaknesses. Then, when you begin living together, you close your eyes and not worry about small things. Stuff like leaving the toilet seat up, putting toilet paper the wrong way, not doing the dishes “the right way” or squeezing the toothpaste “incorrectly” or stupid things like that.

If you're one of those people who thinks “but if it's important to me it should be important to them”, consider this. SHOULD it be that important to you? Important enough to make you resentful when you don't get your way? Think about it scripturally, or, as President Nelson said, “think celestial.” Granted, some things are objectively that important, but I'll talk about that shortly. Between Collette and I, I have a bad habit of leaving my socks on the floor when I take them off but even though it still happens sometimes after four years of marriage. But she doesn't ever let it get to her because she knows she has a habit of leaving her bobby pins on the floor; and with the color of our carpet, they often aren't found until we end up accidentally vacuuming them up or I step on them or find that one has somehow made it's way onto the kitchen or bathroom floor. Whatever. There are several other stupid little things that we could easily get annoyed at, from a few of my driving habits to her indecisiveness with shopping and everything in between. We know there are far more important things so we're like, “seriously? Who freaking cares?” Which leads me to my next point.

2. With the stuff that does matter, we make absolutely sure we work until we DO see eye to eye on it. Now don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean we CURRENTLY see eye to eye on every single moral question that could possibly arise. We have had the hard conversations (and kept them peaceful) about everything from sex and preferences in the bedroom, money, tithing, Word of Wisdom matters, LGBT issues, abortion, politics, guns and media choices to temple worship, garments, prophetic counsel, the atonement of Jesus Christ, racism, church history, proper child rearing methods, and the Family Proclamation, energy work and more. Some of these conversations are still something we talk about when occasion arises that we don't see 100% eye to eye on right now. My point with this is that we will continue to have those conversations and NEVER shy away from them or allow them to become points of contention. Most of those subjects are something we do see eye to eye on, but not all of them. We simply keep trying, keep working together through them and we NEVER give up or resign ourselves to perpetual disagreement about them for the rest of our mortal lives. And no, of course it's not just spiritual things we try to be supportive of with each other. We persistently encourage each other's gifts and talents and less important (but still important) elements of our marriage. We are always working to remember to speak each other's love languages - quality time is #1 for Collette and words of affirmation is probably my biggest. She is amazingly supporting of my music and I love encouraging her in her food and childcare abilities. We just don't stress about it to the point where if one of us makes a mistake, we act like a wounded dog and get spiteful. We let it go, forgive, do better and move on. We work persistently, patiently and kindly towards complete mental, spiritual and social unification in every matter of morality and religion. And that leads on to my third point.

3. How we resolve disagreements.

First and foremost, in our efforts to do this, we never ever ever ever EVER resort to name-calling, insults, sexist, or sarcastic or emotionally charged blanket statements (i.e. using terms like “always” or “never” or “all” or “none”) or hyperbole or anything else unkind or unfair. We simply talk through our problems, expressing our feelings clearly but kindly. I've noticed a lot of people giving up on or simply refusing to have and persevere through the hard conversations because it requires them to approach something that makes them feel uncomfortable. I'm only partially sorry to say this (and I know Collette will back me up on this), but get over it!! Swallow your pride and have those conversations. Lack of those conversations is why one couple we know in our extended family is basically just a man and woman living as roommates together. One wants to do all the right things and the other has zero desire to them but does them anyways because they feel “obligated” to. There's no discussion about it and therefore a perpetual situation of a toxic, unspoken agreement of “I'll just do this gospel thing on my own then if you don't want to.” The spouse who refuses to have the hard conversations is the only spouse who never apologizes, is quite rude most of the time when they don't get what they want and claims that “you only really hurt the people you love.” What an absolute farce and an empty existence.

Collette and I know better than that, work incessantly for better than that and have been able to maintain a beautifully unified marriage where we overcome things that make us feel held back. We don't give up on our faith in Christ and our covenants to sustain His chosen prophets or on each other when something is hard.

4. We don't raise our voices at each other.

We understand that expressing anger angrily has no place in any Christ centered home. This isn't just because I'm on the Autism spectrum. Having Asperger's syndrome for me means that the only loud noises I do have a really hard time with human voices speaking in frustration or anger. But this is not the reason why Collette and I avoid speaking to each other with tenseness in our voice. The reason is because it's un-Christlike and it's wrong. Simple as that. Drawing on some of the points above... when we resolve our disagreements, we simply make the effort to choose words that honestly and kindly address our feelings. If we can't find those words, we give each other time to think through things enough to find them. We realize that it is not only possible but essential to learn to SAY rather than SHOW how we feel when the emotion is unpleasant. Sometimes this makes conversations stop and go very suddenly, but if that's what it takes, it's worth it. Just because you don't raise your voice doesn't mean the weight of your words is lost. If your message isn't getting across, raising your voice doesn't force the idea into the person's mind more, it just transfers the their focus on to the messenger (you yourself) instead of the message. Find better words! Sometimes one of us can't find the words or come up with an analogy or whatever else sufficiently in the moment. All of the sudden, many times after praying for it, later on we realize a good way to say it and we politely ask for the other person's attention to explain ourselves and the other one immediately stops what they're doing and listens. We both know that after God and our Savior Jesus Christ, we are each other's first priority, period. This arrangement has made it sooo much easier to feel loved, valued, needed, enjoyed and safe, even with difficult emotions and challenges. As a result of doing these things,

-there ACTUALLY IS persistent peace between us, -the Spirit regularly dwells in our home, -we feel answers to prayers regularly, -we have the strength to stand up against the world (I just recently wrote a song that talks about that, too).

And we are still, 4 years into our marriage, in the phase of constantly saying “I love you” and wanting to kiss and cuddle, etc. a lot when we are together. That honeymoon feeling of loving everything about each other hasn't ended the entire time. It is still easy to overlook annoyances, we still love sharing the little things with each other, we still love trying new things together, and life hasn't “caught up with us” or made it any more difficult to keep the holy elements and spiritual connection of our marriage strong. Nor has any of life's normal challenges made our physical and emotional connection more difficult to maintain.

I'm not saying this to brag. I'm saying this because I'm telling you, if you 1. align your life and choices with the restored gospel of Jesus Christ 2. maintain an unyielding loyalty to counsel given to us from God's prophets (including ancient AND modern scripture) 3. simply refuse to let a relationship with the opposite sex be defined by anything other than the doctrine of Christ, no matter how strong your opinions are about it. All the marital problems we see our modern culture steeped in will easily and permanently disappear.

-You won't have arguments about money because you'll both see eye to eye about good financial habits and want to live by them. -You won't have struggles with physical connection because you'll both have a complete understanding of and love for the law of chastity and complete fidelity. -You won't struggle with things you would normally find bothersome about the opposite sex with your spouse because the eternal perspective you'll develop together will instill in both of you a deep desire to care less and things that matter less. Also, sin will become much less appealing. -On the opposite end of that, you won't be tempted to use selfish excuses like “I'm a woman, let me do the woman thing” or “I'm a guy, let me do the guy thing” as justification for laziness, shallow materialism, arrogance, unrighteous dominion, levity, idol worship, indulgence, vanity, gluttony or any other number of sinful behaviors and beliefs we often see falsely associated with real masculine of feminine nature.

I promise you all of the things that we see more frequently tearing apart marriages will disappear from yours if you start caring more about the Lord's standards than your own. And trust me, “There aren't any guys/girls like that out there anymore” is a cop out and a lie. BECOME that person and you'll automatically attract someone just like that. It really does work. I was reminding Collette yesterday that the first time I initially fell in love with her and asked to kiss her was in a moment where her love of the Savior shined through her countenance. Her spiritual glow made her physically more beautiful and exponentially more socially attractive. Believe me, the increase of physical and social beauty that comes with a greater spiritual glow as a result of your BEHAVIOR is a real thing.

If anyone has any questions and peaceful comments I welcome them here.

I have just seen so much bitterness about the idea of marriage between man and woman in our modern world, I felt what I have shared here is desperately needed. If this helped give you hope or brightened your day or motivated you, please share.

Divorce

 This is about #divorce. It's the first in a series of posts I recently did on Facebook about matters in society where I see widespread misunderstandings and outright lies about important issues. I know this will be controversial, especially considering the divorce rate in the US today, but I believe the following is something too many who posts about it seems to be missing. If you're patient enough to read through the whole thing, please at least consider what I'm about to say.

To start off with, disclaimer. I have never been divorced, so I can’t comment from my own experience about this, so please go easy on me in whatever judgment you may have in your heart regarding what I talk about here. I know I can't (and won't) even pretend to be any kind of expert on this. What I CAN comment on from personal experience is my having been in both a traumatic, unhealthy, incredibly complicated marriage AND a beautiful, joyful marriage with deep, healthy, meaningful connection and communication. I know first hand the signs of healthy Christ-centered marriages as well as those that are full of red flags and impossibly complicated circumstances. What has me worried is so many of the posts I have seen in the last few years that seem to be primarily focused on the legal side of this issue. Now I know I have many friends who are divorced and this has nothing to do directly with any of them, so let me just put that out there from the start. 

**So buckle up, here we go. If you have the patience and open heart to read through all of this and even consider some of the points I make, major kudos to you!**

The further you go back in history the more you will find contracts, promises and covenants entered into purely by word of mouth and people putting more social weight on and therefore more effort into keeping solely oral agreements. Like Denzel Washington said in the movie John Q, “your word is your bond, it’s all you have.” I am convinced that the reason lawyers - and anyone else who deals professionally in legal writ - have such great job security today is because of the rigid and even addictive nature of mankind’s attachment to making sure everything is fair. ( I wrote entire blog on LDS Blogs about why it's a good thing that life isn't fair: https://ldsblogs.com/46162/lifes-not-fair-relief ) To me this display of pedantic selfishness to make sure we get EXACTLY what we think we deserve, EXACTLY when we want it, riveted on what WE believe constitutes proper compensation for injustices against us is the antithesis of Christ’s teachings about how to respond to persecution and mistreatment.

How is it that, as a #society, we have come to cling so tightly to LACK of #trust and in our own self interests that the very first thought on some people’s minds in marriage is a #prenuptial agreements; and if divorce happens the very first thing people look for is #lawyers to make absolutely sure they “get their way”?People’s knee jerk reaction is to turn to mankind’s law like moths to a porch light, vultures to a dead animal or a cocaine addict to their next “fix” so we can “get #justice”.

I saw a divorced woman a while back who put up a very lengthy post about how wise and smart she was for learning from her one divorce what red flags to watch out for in men. And I’m sure she DID learn a lot from that experience, but she also thought that because of her traumatic experience with one guy that that somehow justified the belief that she simply “didn’t need men” in her life. She claimed in one breath that she didn’t hate men, but then proceeded to say that she needed a break from the “male species” among other things that suggested a feeling that we are unwelcome aliens from another planet. She spewed out such a long stream of horribly #sexist and #prejudiced diatribe and what was more disturbing was how many people praised her for it. I am SOOO thankful Collette is absolutely nothing like that. In fact as I was telling her about this post, she said, “No! Talk it out first, then Bishop, then therapy and then, as a very very last resort, legal counsel. That’s like plan infinity Z.” But hold on, I'll get back to that in a moment.

Collette and I talked about all the weighty things that have to do with marriage within our first two weeks of courtship. #Money, whether to pay tithing of gross or net income, all sorts of different aspects of raising children, what we would do if I ever fell back into #addiction, sex and what our sex life would look like, how we would apply all the controversial #gospel standards in our home… and a lot more. One thing we absolutely agreed on is that legal assistance in our marriage would be something to avoid at all costs and that the scriptures and local church leadership and words of the prophets along with counseling, if absolutely necessary, would be our exhaustive source of #mediation should serious conflict come up. I’m not saying that kind of thing IS possible in every marriage, but it CAN be. Because of that, we haven’t had a single fight in 3 1/2 years of marriage. We have even had one issue that, as peaceful as conversations have been about it, we had a very difficult time resolving until only recently. We did it by just continuing to converse calmly about it, not giving up, continuing to make it a matter of prayer, study and discussion when occasion permitted until we finally came to see more eye to eye about it very recently. 

It was something we very strongly disagreed on, but it was NEVER a contention point between the two of us because we CHOSE to allow the words of Christ and His servants to be the #mediator in the matter.

Where some say happy wife, happy life, Collette says “No! It’s happy spouse, happy house!” There is no sexism in our marriage, there is no sarcasm, no belittling, no name calling, no levity (pranks), no secrets, no lies, no screaming, no yelling matches, no stone-walling, no silent treatment, no slamming doors, no threats, no blackmail, no manipulation, and especially NO talk of divorce or even separation. This is not because we have a perfect marriage. There are still plenty of things that we disagree on and times where we have both expressed disappointment in each others choices (in fact one phone call I made recently almost lost Collette her job because of my bad timing) but ALL of it has been resolved by clinging to Christ and God’s laws instead of the weak and utterly #selfish institutions or cultural patterns of mortals. Only the #truth will set you free!

Collette was very familiar with my past of heavy sexual addiction and my recovery but the reason she chose to take a chance with me was because she asked the Lord about me, chose not the judge me by my past and trusted that since I put the Lord first I would put her second as every spouse should. She didn’t turn to societal statistics, input from other women around her or the like. She made it a relationship between me and her and the Lord, period.

Now, if you’ve read this far and are thinking “wait a minute buster, there are tons of marriages out there where there was no way to tell that he/she was gonna go all nuts like they did” and yes, I acknowledge that obviously there are way too many situations where one or both spouses get too relaxed after marriage or even after the girl says “yes” at the proposal and all of the sudden start to slack on remembering important stuff. There are too many relationships where one or both are #dishonest about their natures and then become abusive when things get serious. I get these situations happen and obviously when unrepentant #abuse or #criminal behavior is committed, going through proper legal channels is appropriate relative to the severity of the offense.

But having the first knee jerk reaction of getting legal help right away is much of what is ruining society. Anyone who wants to talk prenuptial agreements when marriage comes up has clearly been conditioned somehow to always plan for an escape hatch to get out of a promise, or ways to sneakily break contracts if things don’t go their way. Whether that’s from bad parents or merely their own cynical, unChristlike outlook on life, what it shows is a lack of commitment to what real marriage is about, the way God defined it, an ETERNAL union based on everything The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches.

I’m sure this post is likely to ruffle some feathers, especially from those who have been through multiple divorces, and I do readily acknowledge that there are aspects of divorce that, because I have never been through it, I can’t speak as an authoritative or wholly valid voice on the subject. But one person who can is Christ because he felt the pain of every person involved in EVERY divorce ever. I base my comments here on His word, so if you're going to have a problem with what I've said, take it up with God, not me. I welcome peaceful comments and questions here, but will remove those that are contentious. My hopes with this was just to talk about what I see as an elephant in the "room" of marriage and family.

If you really want a top notch advocate with an issue that seems unresolvable in your marriage, consider the following words from Tad R. Callister from "The Infinite Atonement":

"The Savior pleads our case for mercy. He is our advocate. He is the champion of our cause as no other can be. We have seen advocates of law before earthly tribunals - mere mortals who have argued their cases with spellbinding suspense, whose logic was flawless, mastery of the laws disarming, and powerful petitions compelling. Before such mortals, juries have sat in awe, almost with breathless wonder, moved and swayed by every glance, every crafted word, every passionate plea. Yet such advocates, almost Herculean heroes to their patrons, are no match to Him who pleads our case on high. He is the perfect proponent 'to appear in the presence of God for us' (Hebrews 9:24). How fortunate we are that [H]e is our 'advocate with the Father' (1 John 2:1)."

Even the worlds best lawyers are still fallible. The word of God is not. Lawyers are good for some things, but make it a knee jerk reaction to turn to God and/or local priesthood leaders even more earnestly when the temptation comes to seek legal help in marriage. As Christ did in Gethsemane, pray "more earnestly", pray for your spouse! (Any of you ever seen the movie War Room?) Turn to the scriptures and words of prophets more deeply, be willing change your perspective or opinion to match the word of God, whatever you need to do to make legal channels, as Collette called it, "plan infinity Z."

If you found this useful, please do share.