What It Really Means To Be A Mother

 "I never had that before in my life." This was the phrase I heard Collette use as she was looking at a house she'd like to have one day when we can buy a house and saw a picture of the inside of the house with "fun dishes" in the kitchen. There are actually a lot of things that applies to in her life. From the kind of Christmases that I had growing up to a home where both parents were always adamant about and good at making sure the highest of gospel standards were taught and lived by from day to day.

I grew up in a really good home and was super blessed to have parents who worked really hard to so we could have the best life has to offer. We were financially blessed, good relationship habits were taught and exemplified, mom always made sure we ate well, we had a clean and well organized house, good mental and emotional support from mom and dad and were taught how to make and keep good friends, had plenty of opportunities to develop talents, holidays always were and felt like special occasions and have fun and much more. After my mission when I returned to Canada I lived the exact opposite kind of life, of my own will and choice because of the kind of woman Lorraine was in mortality. This was a life where we lived under the poverty line and struggled with more than money - our relationship, addiction, PTSD, finding food that Lorraine could actually eat without health problems, anxiety, depression, social problems with people we thought were our friends, holidays were always difficult (even most Christmases) and brief moments of peace and joy together were few and far between; basically, everything I didn't have to struggle with growing up; and Lorraine and I lived this way together for about 10 1/2 years. We lived in a small apartment with two cats and with all the other struggles going on, we never were able to keep things in our apartment as clean and organized as we wanted.

So I have had lots of life experience with a life of abundance and a life of intense and constant struggle. From that contrast I learned first-hand the real value of many of the blessings I grew up with and ever since I found out that Collette was deprived of some of those blessings growing up, I have wanted ever since to help make a better life with her... and for her.

Today, for Mother's day 2023, I write this in an attempt to make this holiday a happy, memorable one for Collette. She knows, from both bad and good examples in her life, what it really means to be a mother. From we've heard people say in our ward (congregation) at church and her current boss at work, her mothering skills at top notch and she has the heart to match them. Here are a few ways (of many I don't have time to list) that Collette fills the role of mother better than most I've seen:

1. Collette has knows the difference between discipline and abuse. She knows how to show to love by "persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile" (D&C 121:41-42) but also how to differentiate between love and trust and when to do so. She has been praised on multiple occasion - and was even given a gift by her boss - for kindly calling out abusive behavior towards children and being an incredible, gentle, motherly defender of children.

2. Her desire to serve and share her gifts with others is staggering! One of the things she got super giddy about recently in looking pictures of one house (can you tell she likes dreaming big?) was when she looked at the kitchen and the first words out of her mouth were "I could serve so many people in that kitchen!" Anyone who has known her for even a few months is aware of how eager and willing she is to share anything she has with people, including her amazing food, especially when it's one of her favorites (which is not something most people do with their favorite foods). Every time her face gets that giddy look about something wonderful she has just had a bite of, she immediately and impulsively gives anyone around her a bit of it and acts like a kid at Christmas as if their reaction when they realize how good it is the best thing to ever happen to her. Collette is one of the most selfless people I've ever known. No wonder Lorraine helped chose her for me from the other side.

3. She is humble about her weaknesses and therefore incredibly forgiving of others; and God knew I'd need someone like that because I have some weaknesses that just... don't... want... to... go... away. Maybe I need to read Unstuck: How The Savior Frees us From Our Favorite Sins again, haha.

4. She has incredible faith! Collette is always saying "more Jesus please!" Anthony Sweat, in a recent BYU Speech, said "Christian theologian George MacDonald called the attitude of being “my own king and my own subject . . . doing whatever I am inclined to do, from whatever quarter may come the inclination” one of the “principles of hell.” Why? Because it stands in such stark contrast to Jesus’s perfect, lifelong submission to God, defined by “not my will, but thine, be done” (Luke 22:42). While a common refrain today might be “You do you,” Christ’s covenant call is “Be like me.” There is power in covenanting that we will obey the laws of God and not merely walk in our own way after the image of our own god." Collette is so focused on Christ and always willing to put her own feelings and beliefs aside if she finds out they contradict the doctrine of Christ and teachings of His prophets, even if they are something deep-seated in her mind. This is the one place, I believe, where we are the best match for each other. Our children, when they come into mortality, will never have a shortage teaching by example what it means to align their hearts with Christ with a mother like Collette!

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Collette knows that a good mother is one who shows her children by example what it means to turn to Christ, to develop a love for truth, to live by that truth and refuse to let choices be dictated by flawed mortal emotion, to show compassion to all. She knows a good mother does not let what is merely popular influence the standards taught in and lived by in her home, but also knows how to maintain balance with love, trust and truth with everyone around her. She knows the importance of the God given responsibilities of mothers to follow the standards of The Family Proclamation and align her life with Christ.

There is so much more, but I hope this makes your day brighter, my love! Happy Mother's day!