Assertive Love

It's been a while since I posted anything in this blog, mainly because my wife has been in the hospital and I have been looking after her here for the majority of the time since June. It's a little more difficult to write on this site on an iPad, but I think I finally need to just do it considering what has transpired since then.

What I write about today comes from a few different trains of thought but ultimately will converge into a single important idea that I will identify later. The first train of thought is the increased amount of bitterness surrounding social problems and political issues. Whether it be about the sheer anger between friends and families, Trump's presidency and the Kavanaugh case, or the latest gossip about what this or that celebrity said, the bitterness - and even violence in some cases - that so many are resorting to can only ever do one thing, destroy. It cannot create peace or truly resolve the problem and nor can it ever make those who engage in it feel better about the issue, themselves or those they accuse as perpetrators or enablers. And I will not be playing into the whole "picking sides" game.

You can ask me all you want who I agree with in each case and you'll get the same answer, "it doesn't matter which who is right, but rather WHAT is right."

The second train of thought, thankfully, is about something good. I wish so much that I could share lots of details about it, but I can only speak of it in mostly general terms because of the sacred nature of it. Early in September my wife had some severe nerve pain here in the hospital that had some... shall we say... special effects on her and how close she was to the Holy Ghost and the Lord. The result of this was a spiritual experience that left us both never to be the same. I wish I could give more details of what happened, but suffice it to say that we both learned more about ourselves, each other, the Father and His Holy Son Jesus Christ than at any other time in our lives. We felt a love from them and received counsel from them that was utterly and pleasantly overwhelming. There is much for all of us, all mankind, to accomplish and become before the return of our Savior, both temporally and spiritually, but Lorraine and I are confident that we can accomplish anything the Lord asks of us.

In connection with that, my third train of thought is as follows. We must refuse to let anger, bitterness, offense and fear reside in our hearts or dictate our choices. My hope is to encourage everyone to find the humanity, the divine spark that still remains even in those who they consider their worst enemies. The following is from an audio book I have been transcribing so I can reread it without having to find specific spots in the audio every time I want to find something in it. The book is called When We Don't See Eye To Eye by J David Pulsipher

"The ability of the past to distract or distort our lives is a dynamic I first recognized as a graduate student in Minnesota. My research focused on the national legislative and legal efforts to constrain the power of the LDS church during the second half of the nineteenth century. Consequently, I spent many hours in the government document section of the library, culling through congressional debates and court decisions. As I read some of the arguments against the "wicked Mormons," often belittling or dismissing truths that I held sacred, I was often irritated by their apparent self-righteousness.

"How could seemingly Christian people condone or even advocate wholesale religious persecution, imprisoning hundreds of men and women, disrupting and impoverishing families, driving church leaders into hiding and not recognizing the inconsistency and hypocrisy of their behavior? Their arguments for draconian measures such as disinheriting children, disenfranchising men and women, or confiscating church properties seemed spurious, arbitrary and illogical. Indeed, the whole rational for reforming the church and its members made little sense to me. One day as I sat in the library, surrounded by piles of government publications containing seemingly endless streams of anti-Mormon rhetoric, my irritation began to escalate into anger. How could they be so insensitive? How could they be so cruel? How could they not see the unnecessary pain and devastation they were causing?

"As I brooded over these thoughts, another quietly crept into the corner of my mind and gently pushed itself upon my consciousness. "You have to forgive them," it said, and I was startled to realize it was true. At that moment, I let go, and the anger that had been rising in me suddenly dissipated, swept away by a feeling of growing peace, and for the first time in months of study, I began to understand these persecutors of my people. The logic of their actions began to make sense to me. I still didn't agree with it, but I could better understand how it made sense to them, and instead of hypocrites, I began to see well-intentioned people, who were perhaps overzealous but nonetheless thought their actions would improve the world."

Notice how, in that moment, those who had been the perpetrators of such heinous abuse now appeared to him as the children of God they still were with potential to repent and become glorious. No more was he burdened by the - in all honesty - horrible things they had done and in his heart justice was left to be determined by the very Master of justice and mercy.

Considering what Lorraine and I learned about being peacemakers and making a relationship thrive, whether marital, generally familial or otherwise, and the stark contrast to that in the arenas of social media, politics, entertainment, sports, etc. I put this entry and my new perspective out there as an invitation, written with every emotional emphasis I can summon, to any reader is to please stop focusing so much attention on "getting even" or pursuing justice for every last perceived wrong or offense you think you see. Work towards healing and forgiveness in your own heart and seek divine guidance to fortify yourself against future attacks and desires for retaliation.

As J David Pulsipher outlined in his book, every movie, book, magazine, article, TV show or story ever imagined is mostly saturated with the same story, "good guy defeats bad guy" and the only two options portrayed are either give in or strike back. In reality, he says, neither is the best answer. Rather, creative, assertive love is the answer, which, if a person chooses it, sends a message of "I will not strike back against you because I love you, but I do not accept your behavior. If you continue to act this way, I will expose you in your unjustified aggression, but will do so with kindness, or I will do whatever it takes to peacefully protect myself from the effects of your aggression. Either way, you will not win."

The bottom line to all of this is to follow the example of Jesus Christ by being a peacemaker and instead of falling to society's methods of conflict resolution, which obviously does not actually resolve it at all (it merely continues the cycle), use the Savior's way. Defend (which is NOT retaliation or vengeance) only when absolutely necessary, forgive always, be kind to and speak kindly about absolutely everyone, whether they are there with you or not. For those of us who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we know the Lord will not return until Zion is physically built and that cannot happen until our hearts and knit together in unity and love and become Zion first. Yes, we need to defend our religious beliefs, our families, and our values when they are attacked, threatened, or misrepresented, but we need to so with unity, kindness and love.

The next time you are tempted to find fault with a family member, friend, teacher, politician, religious leader or anyone else at all, remember that by harbouring ill feelings or impulsively forming negative opinions about them, you are hurting yourself more than them. Follow the Savior's example. Remember He paid for their sins and weaknesses and loves them as much as He loves you and, in reality, compared to Him, you and anyone you don't like aren't really all that different. Thinking and acting with kindness and Godly love towards everyone has become a much more prominent focus for me now, and I invite you to join me.