*I have not yet figured out how to view comments made on my articles when google+ comment is enabled. If you can tell me how to view google+ comments, please message me here: thepulsiphyer@gmail.com*

Monday, May 12, 2014

A Mother by Any Other Name Would Be as Beautiful

I had a hard time titling this post.  But there are a few reasons I chose it.  For those who haven't seen this video. The man in it talks about Motherhood as a job position. He advertises this job position as "Director of Operations" and conducts the interview via video conference. He says at one part that the job requires a "degree in medicine, finance AND the culinary arts." I think he should have also added psychology, sociology, nutrition, andragogy, pedagogy and philosopy for starters. You see, a mother is a doctor, an accountant, a cook, a psychologist, a teacher/mentor, and wife among many other titles, and whether or not she is known as a mother by others or as any of these titles, the fact of the matter is, the value of a woman who fills the role of mother, with or without children, is still effulgent no matter what she's called.

Now, I know that my mom fit all of these roles very well growing up. And she still does.  BRILLIANTLY.   I can't possibly count the hours she spent helping me with my piano lessons, paying for them, wiping my tears, giving her logic defying magical hugs, taking care of situations involving school bullies and bad teachers with fabulous tact, cooking, teaching my brothers and sisters and I to not be picky eaters (I think she did especially well at that one), cleaning up our messes when she should have made us clean them up, helping me find dates (which meant a lot considering I was not exactly popular throughout my childhood), being a chauffeur, paying crazy money for me to go to EFY, sending me countless words of encouragement while I was serving a mission and I wondered whether or not I was a failure, accepting my wife into the family with complete love and without hesitation when we were married, despite that fact that the way I went about our courtship was very hard on my family emotionally.   And she did it all with class and a spiritual maturity I hope I can achieve one day.  I could obviously go on forever.

I love my mom to death and to life.

But this post is mainly to focus on who I now term to be the worlds best mom.  It was my mother, but I think she would even be okay with me saying that the woman who I see as the best mom in the world now is my wife.

I will only really be able to touch lightly on why that is, but at least allow me to attempt.

My wife had a measly two years of her life with a proper example of what a mother should be.  She was abused heavily as a child and taken from her birth mother.  She was then moved into two foster homes in a row.  The second one constituted the two years where she had a good family, where the foster parents taught her good values and much more.  When she was six she was adopted, her life of more extreme abuse began and it would continue in its most severe forms until she joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints about 17 years later.

But this is one factor in why she is such a fantastic mother, regardless of our lack of children to this point.  Instead of taking the horrible treatment she got from her adoptive family and becoming bitter, angry, cynical and resentful about it, she took from it lessons of how NOT to be.  The effects of the abuse, as well as the conditions surrounding her birth, still have residual effects to this day, but she handles them LIKE A BOSS.  I can't count the number of times people have told her how wonderful she looks and how it's so great to always see her smiling and happy.  As her husband, I know what's really going on inside much of the time.  She is pretty much in constant physical pain in one form or another 24/7.  Yes I said that right, 24/7.  Almost every single second of every day, something hurts.  Yet she handles it like a pro.

I have seen so many cases of people missing choir practice, missing church, cancelling something or any number of other things like that because they had a headache, the sniffles, a cough, a stressful day, are sad or depressed, etc and I want to scream at them sometimes (I never do and never will probably).  I want to chew them out for whining about it because do you know how awesome my wife is?  Do you know what she has done many times when she has the sniffles, a headache, a cough, a stressful day, is sad/despressed and more, ALL AT THE SAME TIME?  She puts on a smiling face, acts happy and does what she has to do without complaint, and SHE ROCKS AT IT.

Oh and let me take it a step further.  You know what she does when I say I want to chew people out for having a hissy fit when they have just one little tiny thing wrong so they "can't make it to [something]"?  She loves them.  She STILL doesn't complain.  She STILL has a good attitude and tells me to take it easy on them!!!  I have never, in my entire life, personally known of any other human being, not even my own mother, be able to pull a stunt like that while living with the physical and emotional crap my wife has to go through on a daily basis.

Oh I'm going too far now, you say?

Let me take it ANOTHER step further.

I hate (and love, in a weird way) to admit this, but I'm also guilty of the kind of whining about the physical ailments I mentioned and when I am really not feeling well, I am completely out of commission.  I'm a huge weakling, I buckle like a toothpick under the weight of our apartment building.  I'm a wienie and put on a terrible show because of how little pain tolerance I have when I get a bad headache or get real nauseous or when I've had a super stressful day.  And just to put my wife over the top completely, if anyone would ever dare to hint that I haven't already, when I'm like this, you know what she does?

She takes care of me!

From her wheelchair, the best she can.

While she's in pain.

She does it without complaint.

Apologizes when she absolutely needs my help with some super tiny small thing.  Apologizes!!

Patiently waits for me to feel better before asking me to do much at all.

And all while she is in her normal (yes, normal) routine of daily pains and aches.

I DARE you to find one mom who would do that for her husband, put up with the piano students she helps mother or other guests being late, being rude, not practicing, making her allergies go haywire by bringing some unknown allergen into the apartment or possibly making her ill by coming here even slightly ill, but yet never complains to them about it, continues to value their friendship, love them, celebrate their successes, be way more patient with their weaknesses than I believe she ever should be, and sets a fabulously Christ-like example for all who come into our home.

I DARE YOU.  But I'm convinced you won't.

Anywhere.  Period.  If you do, I may just ask you for proof of some kind, recorded documented proof before I'll believe you.

She has taken the mostly horrible, devilish example she has seen from her younger years and had the faith in her Heavenly Father to turn it around become the exact opposite of that.  Am I saying she's perfect?  Honestly, I don't think she's far from it.  Way closer than anyone I've ever seen in my life before, especially spiritually.  And she's amazingly beautiful too ;)

The quote I've seen all over facebook from Elder Nelson that says something along the lines of 'Motherhood is the highest calling in all mankind' fits Lorraine perfectly.  She has been called to pass through, and yet handle like champ, more garbage than I have ever personally known anyone to go through.  I'm sure there are people out there who have been through worse, but I don't personally know any of them at all and those for whom I have at least heard stories about, I don't have any indication that they handle their situations as well as my wife handles hers, with the spiritual and emotional maturity that she does, putting her fears, sadness and pains on the back burner so as to not spread negativity to anyone else.

Does she have her days when she just needs to let it out, though, and feel what she needs to feel? Absolutely!  But those days are so few and far between that I don't see the need to consider their weight in relation to all the other days.  She would still pass any evaluation of how well she handles it all with flying colors.

Now to finish off.

I could go on for hours and hours, typing here.  Seriously I'm not kidding.  I could.  I've only scratched the surface here.

But I'll make this simple.  Like I said earlier, compared to her, I'm a wienie in all these areas.  I'm the rottweiler of bad customer service.  When I call a customer service line with a complaint, I get satisfactorily compensated.  Every. Single. Time.  (Well... almost every time)  My wife is gracious enough to let me do my thing when it comes to how I deal with stuff like that, but that's pretty much the only time she lets me do that.  She lets me act like a little two year old and throw a fit to them on the phone.

But when it comes to life experience, I'll be blunt about this.  I grew up in a little box compared to her.  I think she has the maturity, wisdom, patience, charity, virtue, kindness and about a billion things more, of an old lady who has survived a concentration camp in WWII and forgiven the killers who worked there.  I believe that with all my heart, because I see it every day.

If anyone deserved and deserves always a happy mothers day it's my wife, Lorraine Pulsipher.

Happy Mothers Day My Love!!!